These are some tasty, tasty tweets.
1. Siri kill me
Siri show me hell pic.twitter.com/Z8agVOMRjC-- Ross Manthorp (@rmanthorp) December 18, 2017
2. Yes. Yes one might.
as wander my study, Quill Pen in one hand, Whisky in the other, i muse, one might perhaps take me for a Famous Author, from the days of old,-- wint (@dril) December 19, 2017
3. Fortune cookies aren't even trying any more.
i'll take what the fuck for 200 alex pic.twitter.com/P26Bg48pxP-- chuuch (@ch000ch) December 20, 2017
4. Daaamn, you got Windexed.
When did brands start dunking on everyone on Twitter? Windex just called me a dumb bitch.-- Mike Scollins (@mikescollins) December 18, 2017
Fellas, in 2018, no more liking girls selfies, only liking pictures of their dogs & going on wholesome dates to the local diner for a malt & then crashing ur car off the side lovers lane, killing U both instantly 😍😍-- juju on the beat grinch (@nopoweradeinusa) December 20, 2017
6. Well I mean, it's a more exciting story, so there's that.
in the late 90's my family moved away from Chicago, then in the mid-2000's I found out a greek kid had told everyone that I died in a hunting accident-- 💈churly whirly💈 (@chumbawalden) December 15, 2017
Unbelievably excited to announce that I have quit my job to pursue stress eating full time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-- Christina (@xtinalou) October 9, 2015
8. "What are the genitals of this blob"
I love gender reveal parties because whenever I see a baby my first thought is always "does this thing have a penis or a vagina?"-- Cole Escola (@ColeEscola) December 18, 2017
9. False, no one has ever said a Moon Pie sucked.
Guy: This Moon Pie sucks-- Alex, but online (@Alex_but_online) December 17, 2017
Customer Service 2005:[hand written letter] We've reimbursed you in full and here's a coupon for your trouble
Customer Service 2017:[tweeting] Get your corn cob lookin ass offline before they miss you at the farmers market
10. True I was there.
I started a "lock her up" chant in the Natural History Museum and all the animals came to life-- Sam Naismith (@DrSamNaismith) December 15, 2017
11. Damn I thought I was talking to the real Yoda.
i dont understand dressing up like the movie youre going to. no one thinks youre from the movie-- Trevor Moore (@itrevormoore) December 15, 2017
12. I get that.
I like having a Christmas tree mainly because it feels nice to not to be the only thing slowly dying in my living room-- Mall Santa (in training) (@SortaBad) December 18, 2016