1. Anything Involving The Persons Names
When you match with someone on Tinder, you have very little information about them, and that puts you at a bit of a disadvantage. That being the case, it be tempting to cling to the small scraps of information you DO have and pray for the best, but this is a temptation you should avoid. For example, their name. NEVER MAKE ANY COMMENT ABOUT THEIR NAMES. You may think that you're being clever but I promise you, you're not. Anything that you have to say is something that they're already VERY sick of hearing. My name is Willie, and it is shocking how many time people have started a conversation by telling me that my name means "penis" and not once has it ever lead to a love connection. This is for many reasons:
- I already know this because I also speak English.
- I don't love being reminded that my parents named me after slang for a dick.
- I have heard it so many times before that I have started to immediately group anyone who says it to me into the same category, and that category of people is not one I'd particularly like to date.
If you match with someone named Anna, don't ask her where Elsa is. If you match with a Peter, don't add "Peter Cotton Eater" to the end of his name when addressing him. It may seem like an easy conversation starter, but chances are it will put an end to your conversation before it even begins.
2. "You're Cute" Or Anything Similar
I like getting compliments on my appearance as much as the next gal, but not on Tinder. This is for two reasons:
- By swiping on someone, you've already essentially said they were attractive to you, so complimenting their appearance is just redundant.
- The conversation of the Tinder match is the part where you're supposed to get a feel for the person beyond their physical appearance, so if you continue to focus on how they look, it starts to feel like that's the only thing you care about.
Immediately complimenting someone's appearance is a good way to tell the person that you're only looking for sex, and, hey, maybe you are. There is absolutely nothing wrong with looking for casual sex on a dating app, but if that's the case there are better ways of going about it. Be upfront. Ask them what they're looking for and hopefully they'll also say "To sleep with you once then never speak to you again." What you shouldn't do is reiterate the fact that you find the person fuckable in hopes that they say "Cool. Let's fuck!" It wont work and, in most cases, it feels incredibly creepy.
3. Anything Specific Involving A Person's Picture
Speaking of creepy, has this ever happened to you? You match with someone and they say something like "Hey, I love Wicked!" You have no idea what they're talking about until you scroll through your profile pictures and see there's a blurry billboard for Wicked somewhere in the back of one of your pictures that you never even knew was there. You type "haha" and explain that you've never actually seen Wicked you just borrowed the shirt. Then you say nothing else because you feel kinda weird.
There's something innately creepy about Tinder. It's essentially just putting your pictures out there for a bunch of strangers to look at and judge It's for a good cause but you always know in the back of your mind that that's what's going on here. There's nothing wrong with looking at someone pictures. That's what they're there for. That said, when you bring up something that tells the person you may have looked a little too hard, it immediately reminds them that there's a chance you could be some weirdo, toiling over their photos in a dark room somewhere. Even if that's not who you are, it's still a look you'll want to avoid.
4. Stock Pick Up Lines
Nobody has ever gone up to a person, asked them "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven," and successfully gotten laid because of it. We all know this . We know it's so well, in fact, that our post-post-post-post-modern minds have begun to use these sorts of pick up lines ironically, to such a degree, that it has also become a tired cliche.
People think that they're being quirky by opening with a cliche pick up line, but in reality, they're doing one of two things:
- They're making the other person think that they're sincerely using the pick up line, because honestly, it's possible. How are they supposed to know the difference?
- They're telling the other person that they are just as unoriginal because they're still using the pick up line in the place of something they thought of to say themselves. They're also coming off like a bit of a dick, because they're wrapping everything up in a layer of irony that suggests they're above it all.
It can be hard to think of something to say, but I promise that whatever you think of is better than a pick up line you heard somewhere else. I promise you.
5. Would You Rather Questions
If you're like me, every Tinder date you've ever been on has been tinged with the thought that it might somehow result in your murder. Tinder is kinda scary. It relies on you talking to a complete stranger who could pose a very real, if extremely unlikely, threat. For that reason, it's best to avoid anything that feels threatening, and this very much includes would you rather questions.
Would you rather questions became popular on dating apps because they force someone to answer, and thus can jumpstart a conversation. However, the very reason they work is also the reason they're so unappealing. No matter how harmless they are, they also feel just a little bit forceful and kidnapper-y. Though someone might be asking if I'd rather have too many pubes or no pubes at all, I can't help but feel like they're pointing a gun at my head and saying "tell me how you want to die."