1. Remember Something Someone Said That Upset You

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If you're like me, you spend 90% of your life having imaginary fights with people in your head, and the other 10% sleeping. (You sleep less than most people because the imaginary fights keep you up at night.) These fights are fun and can help you blow off some steam, and like most things they start off small. You're walking along and you remember something small

2. Start Out Cool and Rationalundefined

You may be having an imaginary fight with an unsuspecting acquaintance but you not some sort of crazy monster. You're gonna be rational about this. Lay out your argument in the clearest terms possible so that both you and the person you made up in your head know why your upset. Maybe you can work through this!

3. Get Genuinely Heated

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Once you've clearly laid out what you're mad about, you just get madder. You throw rationality out the window and go into a full on tirade. You say all the stuff you'd never have the balls to actually say in real life, and become so heated that your brain words start to spill out in the real words and you start mumbling. Not full sentences, mind you. Just enough here and there that if someone on the street saw you, they'd think you were a crazy. This stage is by far the most fun!

4. Start Arguing On The Other Person's Side For Some Reason

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After you spend enough time silently bitching out someone who's not there to defend himself, you start to pull it back a little. You start to wonder if maybe this is just an overreaction and start arguing against yourself. Then you start to wonder what it says about you that you can't even have your own back in a fake fight. You'll wonder about that later. For now it's time to get back to fighting.

5. Go In For The Kill (In Your Mind)

Stages of Arguing with Someone In Your Head

Now that you played devil's advocate for a bit, you've returned to only advocating for yourself once more, and now you're about to go in for the full on Mortal Kombat Fatality. You make all the right points. You get in some genuinely good zingers. Your internal monologue is so on point that crowds start to cheer because, fuck it, it's all happening in your head anyway. You can imagine whatever you want. By the end of your mental tirade, you've firmly convinced that you're in the right. You start to think that maybe it's time this fight stops being imaginary and starts being a reality.


6. See The Person In Real Life and Say Nothing

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Nah. You're not going to be confrontational in real life. You're not brave enough for that. Best to let just things stew, act as if everything's cool, and go back to fighting in your head.