Disclaimer: no one ever said any of these lines worked.

1. So spherical, so functional. Via DingleberryRug

A guy from Greece, his English was still hard to understand.

He was telling us about his girlfriend and how "she has the most sexy eyeballs".

Such romance. Such poise.

2. This never hurt nobody's case, I'll tell ya that rn dongbeinanren 

She's got tits in all the right places.

3. Impossible, BOWL_OF_OATMEAL_AMA. Simply impossible.

"She looks like the type of girl that can eat a sloppy Joe and not get it anywhere"

4. Flight of the Conchords ftw, boyproblems_mp3

She's so hot she's making me sexist..... bitch

5. Gotta get me the type of woman who will decimate my entire life, ricardowarez

"I'd have a kid with her, go through a gruesome custody battle, get into fights with her and her new tattooed boyfriend over child support, and spend the rest of my life drinking alone in my shitty apartment just to hit that without a condom."

6. Damn, that's more than zero, Sedifutka

On a scale of zero to one, I'd give her one.

7. Before any of you say anything, who hasn't done this? From robbydb

I would suck her dad's dick to get a taste of the recipe.

8. Goddamn she's gotta be the hottest person on the planet, Whygoogleissexist

She could eat crackers in my bed

9. Come now, the jelly goes in the fridge - the peanut butter lives in the cabinet! From PlasticGirl

I was driving for Lyft once, and this biiiig black dude got into the back. He was on the phone said, loudly, "MMNN that girl is thick like peanut butter in the fridge!"

10. It would be my great honor, DarkLordFluffyBoots

I can't wait to drive her to lesbianism

11. It's kinda like that Chuck Palahnuik short story 'Guts', Dane_Gleessak

After receiving a blowjob, a friend of mine told me the girl almost sucked the couch through his butthole.

12. Cool pope would never do such a thing, UmptyscopeInVegas he is far too cool

"She had a pair of legs that'd make the Pope kick a hole in a stained-glass window."

13. Not sure what this one means, but Chris Hemsworth said it in a movie so he gets a pass, dobler21

"she could make hot water come out of a cold faucet" -chris hemsworth

14. Oooooo baby now we're talkin ForcedMeme5

Song of songs 4:2-4 old testament.

"Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn". and "your neck is like the tower of David"