5+ Times a Week

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You are a goddamn liar. What you describe is both physically and emotionally impossible. You might as well claim you travel at lightspeed and invented dinosaurs and go skinny-dipping on the surface of the sun. No one has (or would even WANT to have) this much sex. You should check yourself into an insane asylum and have them throw away the key, because your mind is diseased and rotten to its very core.



4-5 Times a Week

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Oh, hey, I didn't realize FAMED PORNSTAR RON JEREMY WAS ANSWERING THIS POST CIRCA THE LATE-1970s. Because - unless that EXACTLY describes who you are - there's no way this is accurate. So take a moment, check your driver's license to see if it says you are Ron Jeremy and the current year is 1978, and then we can talk.

If this IS you, Time Traveling Ron Jeremy, let me just say this: I find what you do to be disgusting, vile, and irredeemable. You should be ashamed and be exiled from society for your lewd behavior.



2-3 Times a Week

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Oh, hey, I didn't realize FAMED PORNSTAR RON JEREMY WAS ANSWERING THIS POST CIRCA THE EARLY-2000s. Please, Mr. Jeremy, share your time travel technology with the rest of the world, so that we may use it for acts of good, instead of what you have mysteriously chosen to use it for, which is making outrageous claims on this internet post about how much sex you have - since there is literally no one else alive right now having sexual relations this often.



Once a Week

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Oh hey there, ULTIMATE FUCKMASTER NYMPHOMANIAC. You must idolize Barney from How I Met Your Mother, because for you, sex isn't an act of love and passion, it's a goddamn COMPULSION. You somehow muster up the energy and tenacity to do "the deed" over 4 times PER MONTH. Really, this is an unhealthy mindset to be in, and you should check yourself into a sex addiction rehab center immediately so that a team of mental health professionals can work around the clock to cure you of your deep-seated sickness.



.125 Times a Week

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Ah, the honeymoon phase of a relationship, when you're both enthralled with one another and can't help but give in to the throes of passion constantly - ONCE EVERY TWO MONTHS. Practically boning like bunny rabbits! Well, enjoy it - this kind of non-stop sex drive simply can't last, no matter how good the semi-monthly, 4 minute-long love-making appointments are.



.01923 Times a Week

What The Number Of Times You Have Sex Per Week Says About You

Here we go - once a year, the NORMAL amount of sex to have. Always performed on the vernal equinox and lasting precisely 2 minutes, ending with a cordial handshake and then having each partner retire to their bedchambers, never speaking to one another for the remainder of the year.



0 Times a Week

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lol way to never get laid, you loser virgin. ENJOY SPENDING THE VERNAL EQUINOX ALONE!