1. It's hard enough working out, I don't need an audience as well, llegaluan

I used to work security night shift in a 34 floor hotel. While doing my rounds, I walk by the gym to see a huge hole in the wall (we're talking 1x1.5m), with one of our potted ferns which had been dragged in front to pathetically try to cover it.

After reviewiewing video footage, I find this 300+ man running on the treadmill. The man has probably never used one in his life and seems to be struggling with the controls. He is running faster and faster, and eventually can't keep up. He goes flying off, rams into the wall and stays down for at least 5 min.

He eventually gets up, "covers up" the hole with the fern, and walks out.

2. LIKE A GLOVE, Beraht

Saw a trucker drive his huge trailer to the loadingstation and fit it in like a glove, perfect first try. Then fallling out of cabin dead ass drunk.

Damn Russians...

3. Gotta scare their asses hard with COMFINESS, Karminarina

I worked in a full contact haunted house this past Halloween, and it was fun hearing the security guards talking about the stuff they saw on the monitors. Then the owner once said he was walking by the monitors when he saw an actor pick a dude up over his head and throw him over his shoulder into the coffin (which was actually really comfy!) and was a bit horrified. The security guard nonchalantly said, "Yeah, he's been doing that all night."

4. Elevators are private time, I didn't know people were fuckin watching me, buttpoison

I briefly worked security at my college dorm. Jesus Christ you wouldn't believe the shit people do. My personal favorite was watching a very tiny girl get into an elevator, and as soon as the doors closed and she was alone ,she just started spinning and randomly punching the air. She didn't stop until she got to her floor and then she just walked out like nothing ever happened. I also once watched a guy stop the doors from closing with his head. His head was stuck in the doors for a solid 20 seconds before they reopened.

5. This is a place of learning, and you all have turned it into a den of sin. Via FindingAlaska

My friend had to monitor the cameras for our university library, mostly the late night hours where the library was officially closed, but access was available to most students.

Sex. Everywhere.

Like, we were walking through one of the loft areas and she was pointing out places she'd watched people have sex, and it just made me want to never step foot in the library again. Nowhere was safe.

6. Hell yeah Tato7069

I saw modest mouse smoking a joint on the camera at a hotel I worked a a few years back

7. Fuckin take that Sam's Club. Fuck you and your tires. From Legion_of_mary

Around 2003 I was working at Sam's Club in loss prevention. One day while watching the tapes I saw an old man uncomfortably approach the Tire mounting area. He proceeded to drop his pants and sit on a stack of tires about 3 high. Got up and walked away a few minutes later. Upon inspection we discovered that he shat on the stack of tires. Of course we knew before we saw it because it stank very bad

8. I've always said when I die, I'm coming back to haunt a used car dealership, MissMya_

I work at a car dealership. We had a co-worker pass away last year. He always liked to move the cars around and make them look nice.

Shortly after he died we have on camera one of the cars just moving on its own. It moved a good three feet forward. It was kinda trippy.

9. Wait, but they've never laughed at me personally, have they pm-ur-perkytits?

Not something bizarre but just know, if you fall on camera, everyone that works in the building that a security guard likes will see the video multiple times

10. There's a reason aliens always abduct cows first, Fenrir101. They know something we don't

I am not in physical security, but one place I worked at was a hidden bunker in the middle of nowhere. The car park looked like it was just a random paved area in the middle of fields hidden down a tiny country lane as the entrances couldn't be seen easily. We had camera's watching the outside and one weekend a bunch of expensive cars pulled up people got out and started filming a porn movie then just drove off.

But the weirdest thing was that we noticed the cows in the field next door ALWAYS had at least one cow watching the entrance. They took turns, one cow would always start watching the door before another would look away to start eating. We got a little obsessive about trying to find any footage where there wasn't a cow staring at the door and could never find any.

11. When nature calls, b-line it straight to your local wall, Skapoodlepup

I'm not technically security, but I had access to cameras at my old job and would watch them whenever something interesting happened. One time we had a drunk guy come and shit all over our walls and then simply walk away...

12. Well I certainly hope no one else was in the jacuzzi, titty_twister_9000

I got to see some chick getting face fucked in a Jacuzzi. The kicker was that she was under the water and the guy was using the hand rail as leverage to ram his rod down her throat. He was straight up moving the fucking rail too. It wasn't like a passionate throat fuck. He was straight up hate fucking this chicks mouth.

13. Nah he went off to go get him a slice, MMaxs

Whilst waiting to get a spare key from the university campus security me and the guard watched two guys on the over head camera make a pizza on a pool table, they had dough, tomato puree , grated cheese, pepperoni, mushrooms and a pizza tray at this point the guard goes off to see what the hell is going on.

14. Knock knock who's there, Ok-but-why-mister

I wasn't watching a camera but was working the front desk. The call button to the main elevators was hard to find because of a poorly-placed potted plant. This one lady couldn't find the call button, and before I could walk over to show her where it was, she resorted to KNOCKING ON THE ELEVATOR DOOR. It took all I had to hold my laughter until the elevator door closed with her inside.

15. Well this is just bad and awful all around, Skader

I work Loss Prevention at a major department store, I could fill this thread if I had time but the one that sticks out the most is we had this guy come in every other day for a solid month, same outfit, clean, shy, sort of looked like he had downs but I'm no expert.

Well due to his attire and actions he earned himself the title... Plastic Cowboy.

Because what he would do is go to a quieter part of the store and start molesting mannequins. I'm not talking just the hand going from ankle to ass crack, he would unzip their zipper and slide two-three fingers inside that area and go to town.

We ended up barring him from the mall and our store after he went for some kid mannequins

16. You have to respect the choreography, ironwolf56

Used to work night security summers at this recreational campground. Had tent sites and RV hookups, but also cabins (ranging from simple to top of the line with their own hot tubs), multiple pools, tennis courts, miniature golf.. the works, it was "camping" for people that didn't want to go camping basically.

One night a group of young women in their 20s or so (turned out later it was a bachelorette party) approached the back gate cameras almost in a military style formation. They turned and all six flashed their tits at the cameras. The incident became known as the "Twelve Gun Salute"