Prepare to have your day improved by the smallest of amounts.
1. Thank god she is still alive and well.
oh no! i saw Lady Doritos trending and was worried Lady Doritos died
-- demi adejuyigbe (@electrolemon) February 5, 2018
2. You don't wanna end up in Bad Bit Hell.
*poking my head out the window* Uh, sorry, you're not allowed to make fun of my car, I bought it... pre-owned *a semi-truck perfectly decapitates me and I awake in Good Joke Heaven*
-- Caldwell Tanner (@caldy) February 4, 2018
3. I mean, we don't even really know why.
When we're all dead & gone, aliens will find us & go "It makes sense that they all died because of their own folly but why is there a car in space?"
-- Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) February 8, 2018
4. And this is my boyfriend, Hotdog Water Jimmy.
u know when a straight girl shows u a pic of her bf and u gotta be like "aw :) he's cute" even tho he looks like he smells like hotdog water
-- negasonic teenage forehead (@sawyerdotcom) February 7, 2018
5. This bird is up to no good for sure.
"no, officer, I haven't seen my husband in weeks. yes, I'm terribly worried" pic.twitter.com/Mot2giYC3I
-- the library haunter 🦉 (@SketchesbyBoze) February 7, 2018
6. Sometimes dogs contimplate existence, too.
Woke up this morning to find my dog looking like he just found out about life pic.twitter.com/WA4nyGQaEL
-- Gabriella Paiella (@GMPaiella) February 7, 2018
7. This works too well.
The hottest club is 2018.
-- Ana Breton (@missbreton) February 7, 2018
It's got everything:
-Kids eating detergent
-Chips, but for ladies
-Rich guys launching cars into space pic.twitter.com/I49eJjHsyc
8. Callin' her OUT.
Harry Potter and the Representation I Didn't Actually Bother to Write But Still Want Credit For pic.twitter.com/ggqHL66dqD
-- leader of the underdogs (@davidperrons) February 7, 2018
9. That's just convenient.
I slept with this guy who works at Netflix, which was pretty cool because afterwards he recommended other guys I may also like sleeping with.
-- leah knauer (@LeahKnauer) January 29, 2018
10. That's a nice, delicate boy.
is it a sign that you're raising a delicate boy if he's regularly startled by someone finding the Daily Double
-- jon klassen (@burstofbeaden) February 8, 2018
11. He's got a point.
Look you can't call it "eating ass" and then get mad when I use teeth
-- Hey What's Up It's Eli (@eliyudin) February 3, 2018
