Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
12 Reasons You Now Have Tokophobia (Phobia of the Week)
March 1, 2018
Pregnancy is generally thought to be a joyous, natural occurance. What's more beautiful than the prospect of bringing new life into existence with all the hope and wonderment of the world ahead of it?
WE LOVE BEING PREGNANT!!
But, if you think too hard about the actual mechanics of pregnancy, you'll find that it's more disturbing the longer you dwell on that big swollen belly.
Some compare it to a parasite growing inside a human, feeding off the mother's main sources of nutrition, draining her of, well, essentials needed to
(uh, fetus=vampire anyone??) Not to mention, once the pregnancy reaches it's final stages, you can actually see that little fucker squirming around in the womb like the chestburster from Alien.
Congrats mommy, it's your worst nightmare!
And that's just the baseline of pregnancy, what's expected and healthy. Pain and vomit and unthinkably swollen feet is just THE NORM when it comes putting a bun in the oven. So, honestly, we don't even want to get into the complications of pregnancy, that's a conversation for you and your therapist.
The next time you think you're the weird one for being freaked out by your barefoot and pregnant friends all asking you to rub their tums to feel the baby kick, remember that you're the one who can still enjoy whiskey and fly on an airplane whenever you want.
1. According to this ultrasound, the anti-christ is in utero.
2. THIS STOMACH IS HAUNTED.
3. Trypophobia meets Tokophobia.
4. Soon thousands of hatchlings will burst forth.
5. WHY ARE YOU MOVING SO FAST IN THERE?
6. It lives.
7. He has...RISEN!
8. DEAR GOD IS SHE OKAY?
9. Hmm...this sonogram reminds of us something...
Ah, yes, that's right.
10. CT scan of a pregnant woman reveals she's giving birth to Pazuzu, bringer of locusts.
11. Bigfoot and pregnant.
12. The look on her face screams "GET IT OUT OF ME"
phobia of the week
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.