1. Shorter even for Chalkboard.
I always forget the name "Hal" is short for "Chalk"-- Megan Amram (@meganamram) March 12, 2018
2. Spot on.
tom brady looks like the philosophy TA who shows up at undergrad parties pic.twitter.com/iiwJQO24ze-- Mina Kimes (@minakimes) March 13, 2018
3. And they aren't even the same length. The whole thing is a LIE.
"millennials are killing the print news industry"-- TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) March 11, 2018
"TWO PAGES ABOUT KATE'S FINGERS"
"sir maybe we should..."
"TWO. FUCKING. PAGES." pic.twitter.com/GKLXtVN4MW
five years ago to this day i met a girl on twitter, we got chatting, one thing led to another and i'm delighted to announce that today i blocked her for racism-- joe (@mutablejoe) March 13, 2018
5. Sorry folks, wrong place.
A quick note about my DMs: pic.twitter.com/XAWYyJL2ch-- Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) March 13, 2018
6. Let's make these happen.
Everyone else: Now that Disney owns Marvel we can get the Avengers in Kingdom Hearts!-- Caldwell Tanner (@caldy) March 9, 2018
7. Playground for blind giants ONLY.
If your blind child is 9 feet tall, we're here to help pic.twitter.com/hsjM0RkMjR-- Migrant Twerker (@SortaBad) March 11, 2018
8. For starters, throw that coat away. Then start life anew.
Don't quite know how to express or process this, but just now as I swung my coat on, a full-sized rat fell out of the pocket, thudded to the ground, and ran away.-- Tom Philip (@tommphilip) March 8, 2018
9. Great idea.
Fun Date Night Idea: invite all your tinder matches to the same bar on the same night. Congratulations you have become the newest Bachelorette!!! The world is your oyster. Tonight is your night-- anna (@annasonderskov) March 8, 2018
10. Hell yes. You could not have asked for a better outcome.
I accidentally left my weed at work last night and the fuckin managers filled the bag with gumballs pic.twitter.com/RUDoJGFn6p-- Mike F (@mikefossey) March 8, 2018
11. Yeah, fuckin' jerks wtf.
Really interesting when someone doesn't have time to text me back but they do have time to put up a whole long Facebook post about how their house burned down🤔🤔🤔-- Chris Scott (@iamchrisscott) March 11, 2018