You'd think by now the world would be rid of stupidity, what with all that knowledge we have at our fingertips, but here we are proving that morons are as persistant a breed as any.
It's not all that bad, though.
Reading these stories certainly makes us feel like regular Mensa members despite barely graduating with our BA in philosphy (UH, PLATO didn't have a job so why do you expect me to have one M O M?), so at least we got that going for us.
I've posted this story before but this seems like another appropriate thread for this story.
One night during high school, my friend and I got invited to a party. I didn't drive back then so my friend picked me up. All went well on our way to the party. On the way back however, he got pulled over. As we were pulling to the side of the road, I told him that I was gonna pretend to be sleeping (since I was the passenger). Anyway, I hear the cop get out of his cop car, walk towards our car, stops at the window but doesn't say anything. I can feel the brightness of his flashlight but I don't hear him or my friend say anything. After about what seemed like an eternity, I decide to open my eyes to see what's going on. That's when I see my friend, the guy who is driving, is pretending like he is sleeping too.
Guy I went high school with was at a party and asked the homeowner if he could have her tattoo kit, she obviously said no. He left and came back an hour later with a ski mask on demanding for the tattoo kit. Was arrested the next day. Can't make up that kind of stupidity.
my friends sister was 20 and pregnant, she said something about how upset she was her vagina would be ruined, i jokingly said "maybe he'll come out of your butt instead" she said "what do you mean? can they come out of there too?", i thought she was joking so i just said "duh, it's a 50/50 shot" she thought i was serious and asked her doctor if he could tell if the baby was gonna come out of her vagina or ass.
I almost dated a girl who thought the sun and moon were the same thing
The first time I ever met my future sister-in-law, she asked me: "if you're Canadian, how come you speak American?" She was 20 at the time.
*edit: this blew up! since a lot of people mentioned this: she's my husband's step-sister, so there's no relation to him/me. Yes, it was a genuine question (I asked her about it later). She's not smart, sarcastic, or witty enough to make a joke like this. She is the living embodiment of the "American" stereotype you'd think of.
My ex husband. We were playing Rock Paper Scissor to decide who had to go change the baby-best two of three. Round one, I throw scissor and he throws rock. "I win!" He proclaimed. Round two, I throw paper and he throws rock. "I win!" He says again. "Umm, paper beats rock" I tell him. His response? "No, rock beats everything." I spend like 5 minutes trying to wrap my mind around this. Finally I ask him "Then...what's the point of even playing?"
In total sincerity he says "To have fun!"
Clarification edits: 1) No, sadly, he was not trolling me. He was completely serious. I know it's hard to believe, but in all fairness he was born and raised in Florida. 2) Yes, I changed the baby. I did pretty much everything involving the baby after that. 3) As for my own level of intelligence and that of my son, I think he said it best himself when, at 4 years old, he said to me "Daddy can't help it. What's your excuse?"
Coworker was anti wind mills. When I asked why she said "there are way too many popping up and we're going to use up all of the wind."
I was speechless. I'm never speechless.
Back in my younger and crankier days I worked with as young woman who was hands down the dumbest person I've ever met.
Her highlights include
- Winning a basket auction that included a copy of The Beach Boy's album Pet Sounds and complaing because she "didn't want to hear a lot of mooing"
- On a day she was driving me up a wall I convinced her to wait to open her bottle of Coke because the bottle said there was a winner every five minutes. She was disappointed she didn't win after waiting exactly five minutes. I however enjoyed her sulky silence for the rest of the day.
- The best/worst one involved her chatting with a manager who was African American (she's white). They were discussing their shared slightly uncommon name and then realized their families both came from South Carolina. She thought for a few minuted and then excitedly exclaimed "I bet my family owned yours!". She was so proud of herself for figuring out that historic connection. The manager didn't say a word and just walked away.
I can sum it up very easily: We were at the shooting range, his gun jammed, he looked down the barrel to see what was wrong.
A guy in my high school who was convinced that the Dutch had sore throats at night from their accent/language
The first time I met Ben was in Improv 101. I was only taking the class for fun, but about half the people there were aspiring actors... including Ben. On the first day, the teacher had us all play this silly game to break the ice and so we'd all remember each other's names. The rules are pretty simple: 1) pick an adjective that starts with the same letter as your first name, 2) introduce yourself using Adjective + First Name, and 3) do a simple gesture that goes with it. So everyone is going around the circle, introducing themselves as Daring Daniel and Lonely Lauren and Awesome Alex... until we get to Ben. Ben introduces himself as "Surfer Ben
He proceeded to misunderstand at least one key element of every game or exercise for the rest of the class. I have no clue how this man functions in daily life. He has since managed to get a few featured extra roles on TV, though.
I worked with a man named Roy. Roy had theories about how to live life. Royconomics.
One day, he turned to me and the other member of the crew. "You boys wanna know how you get nice things?" he asked. "You go to the store, and you finance everything. New furniture, new appliances, televisions, stereos, everything. Then, you don't make any payments, and you don't show up for your court date. They'll end up garnishing your wages, but they take way less than the payments would have been!"
Then, about a week later, "You boys wanna know how you buy a house? You apply for every credit card you can possibly get, you take out your entire balance in cash from all of them, and you use that for your downpayment. Then, you don't make any payments, and you don't show up for your court date..."
*For people thinking that they may know this specific Roy, I last saw him 10 years ago. At that time, he was in his early fifties, was rocking a grey/blonde skullet, and lived in a hamlet in the province of Saskatchewan.
Literally this guy got fired last week for doing this. Whenever a customer would enter the store he would mimic everything they said whilst already bad enough he would try his best to copy their accent too no matter what accent it was.
Multiple complaints to our store have been made about this guy and he had plenty of warnings. Well last week he finally got fired while serving an Asian customer and in FULL view of our manager he says this.
"HERROOOOO WOULD YOU RIKE A BRAG?"
Got pulled into the office where apparently he still maintained he'd done nothing wrong and couldn't understand why he was being fired. Definately a dumbass.
My freshman year roommate dropped a class because he wanted to play his PlayStation more. It put him below the minimum credit threshold for his scholarships and his parents owed $40,000
Old coworker of mine. He was helping me move and while we were carrying a couch he dropped it. Thinking he was hurt I asked if he was ok and with the most serious and frightening look in his eyes he said pointing : 'Look it's the moon and it's day time.' .... he was 25 at the time.
I am sure if I thought real hard I could come up with someone more stupid, but this story is pretty good.
There was this receptionist at the veterinary office we have taken our dogs to over the years who argued with my dad about how to pronounce his own name. He went in to pick up some perscription something for our dog Daisy and this girl asked the typical "name of dog, name of owner" type questions.
"We have it listed as Michelle and you don't look like a Michelle," she says. Dad asked how it was spelled on the monitor and sure enough it was still spelled "Michael," dad's name.
He said "That says Michael. That's my name." And she argued with him about it! He had to get his driver's license out to show her, and even though she finally relented to let him pick up whatever it was he was down there to pick up, she was adamant my dad has been mispronouncing his own name for 50+ years.
The best part is Dad tells us this whole story and we think nothing of it til like 3 months later when Mom took the dog in for a check up. The girl still thought the owner of the dog was "Michelle" and that my mom must be in a lesbian relationship. Mom gently corrected the lady that it was Michael and again this girl was adamant it was pronounced Michelle. Mom, bemused, said something along the lines of "It's literally a name from the Bible. It's pronounced Michael and has been for thousands of years." The receptionist sat in silence outside of the minimal amount of talking needed for the rest of that visit.
Edit: wow this blew up. Woke up to like 200 responses so I'll just respond here. Thanks for the heads up the Hebrew thing. In hindsight that was silly. Makes me wonder when exactly that spelling started to sound like we say it today. Also this is just my recollection of the story because I heard it all second hand through the parents so I'm sure I've embellished it without realizing, and this was all over a decade ago anyway. As for homegirl, she was very much Typical White Girl. My guess is she had a foreign friend that spelled her name that way and pronounced it Michelle and she figured that was just the only possible way to say it. It's more the arguing over how to say it thing than anything else. Who argues with someone on how that person says their own name?