Skip church this week, these tweets are the only holy presence you need.
1. Chik-Fil-A, sponsored by Jesus
Sitting at chick fil a and there's a (probably) 7 year old at the table behind me and the mom goes "Hannah you forgot to bless your food" & this little girl straight up says "This is Jesus' restaurant it's already blessed" and takes another bite and I almost spit out my lemonade-- Mitchell (@Mitchellford91) February 2, 2018
2. "Blasting rope to Waluigi"
it's catholic canon that in the garden of gethsemane jesus christ saw every sin committed by human beings which means that he watched a guy blasting rope to waluigi hentai and still decided to sacrifice himself for humanity. absolute legend-- sebastian castillo (@bartlebytaco) January 12, 2018
3. A great point.
4. A real time saver.
imagine waking up for church every sunday when u could get an entire year of worship done in 1 serving pic.twitter.com/BnuJ7D1A5g-- Yung Zoe (@narcokitty404) March 20, 2018
5. Yeah, how'd he pull of THAT miracle?
Nobody talks about Jesus' miracle of having 12 close friends in his 30s-- Mormonger (@Mormonger) March 18, 2018
6. Maybe he's not that cool after all.
me: but did he ever dunk a basketball-- Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) March 20, 2018
priest: i dont see how thats-
me: answer the question
priest: [sighing] no our lord and savior jesus christ did not ever dunk a basketball
7. But we were CHALLENGED.
2000 years ago:-- chuuch (@ch000ch) January 17, 2018
god: i shall sacrifice my only son so that all may have eternal life
god, watching us eat tide pods: jesus christ
8. HELL ya
9. Time for a intervention, Jesus. No, not of the divine variety. Regular.
COP: jesus how much hav u had to drink-- jomny sun (@jonnysun) August 23, 2015
JESUS: (leans out window) (whispers) my blood is wine
COP: ok step outa the car pal
10. This was hours before the cop pulled him over.
Waiter: "Would you like a drink?"-- Benjamin A. Vorwerk (@bvorwerk) December 7, 2017
Jesus: "Water is fine."
Jesus: [looks directly into camera]
11. Can't let the lip balm go to waste, at this point.
Judas: The one I kiss is Jesus Christ.-- Gerry McBride (@GerryMcBride) March 21, 2016
Soldier: You can just point to him.
Judas: (putting on lip-balm) I don't tell you how to do your job.