Honey, honey. There, there.
I know you're hearing a lot of scary things right now about How Facebook is Killing Comedy, or perhaps whispers of The Hilarious Life and Agonizing Death of Online Comedy, and of course Facebook Didn't Kill Online Sketch Comedy - The Entire Internet Did. But your father and I just want you to know Internet Comedy isn't dead, ok? It just...ran away while you were at summer camp, is all. Yeah, that's right! But hey - look at us sweetie - it's still out there somewhere!
It's definitely not dead! See what happened was Internet Comedy missed you soooo much while you were away at camp for the better part of 2014 onward engaging with content primarily through social media rather than going to the site itself, that our best guess is it went off running trying to find you! It loves you so much!
Listen, listen. No matter what, you will always have the memories of the good times you shared together. Remember 2004-2013? How you two would play all day long? Watching and rewatching the Shoes video and then going over to your friends house and showing it to them and then they went and showed it to their friends? Remember My Hands are Bananas? Those were great times, weren't they?
Internet Comedy, wherever it may be right now definitely still alive, will be back, your father and I promise. This is just like that time Vine ran away while you were at school and it was hard and sad for awhile, but hey! Now it might maybe be possibly coming back at some point! No honey, again, we don't know when, all we have to go off is a vague tweet from December.
Anyway, we know this must be hard for you, which is why we went out and bought you a little something we think you may like even more than Internet Comedy. Here, open it!
This little fella's name is ALSO Internet Comedy. Well, it's a different breed, of course, so it won't be quite the same as your old Internet Comedy, but I'm sure you'll love him just the same! Sure, he looks ugly and smells terrible, but these things reproduce so quickly, we can replace him pretty much instantly.
We know you'll miss the old things Internet Comedy used to do, like post six minute sketch videos that you watched all of, or even post articles with a bunch of paragraphs that tried to make some sort of biting point, but NEW Internet Comedy can do so much more:
1) It's relatable!
2) It's...mostly Spongebob screenshots!
3) It doesn't need six minutes, it can make you laugh in two seconds! Also, it's more based on familiarity and references than "jokes."
4) But best of all, you don't have to worry about authorship or anyone actually making any money!
Wherever old Internet Comedy is right now, honey, I know it's thinking about you and how much it loves you. It may be gone for now, but your father and I have a sneaking suspicion that it'll come roaring back stronger than ever, except this time entirely funded by technocratic billionaires looking to sell their political and cultural agendas through sleek-looking comedy.