pic.twitter.com/y6BBoFMOBz -- Channing Tatum (@channingtatum) April 3, 2018
pic.twitter.com/y6BBoFMOBz
Terrible news, everyone - a celebrity couple has broken up! Yes, two celebrities in a relationship together have decided to no longer be in a relationship together, which is pretty shocking, because usually romantic relationships between two celebrities of varying fame lasts forever. As far as we're aware, this is the first time this has ever happened.
Love is dead: Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan Tatum announced that they have split in a joint statement. https://t.co/JFPiWzZCBh pic.twitter.com/rbTW8p5CmA -- E! News (@enews) April 3, 2018
Love is dead: Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan Tatum announced that they have split in a joint statement. https://t.co/JFPiWzZCBh pic.twitter.com/rbTW8p5CmA
Why does this affect your lives? Why would the breakup of two total strangers who live very weird lives that are in no way relatable to you on any level have any kind of significance for you? Because LOVE IS DEAD. Love USED to exist and was a possibility for you, but now it's not. After all, if these two celebrities (whose actual lives and circumstances you didn't know at all) couldn't make it work, what hope is there for the rest of us schlubs? After all - love USED to be alive, but now it's dead and gone, all because I projected my entire conception of love and successful marriages onto the guy from 21 Jump Street and the lady from Step Up's relationship and maybe that's just kind of weird and unhealthy.
Remember a world where love existed? I do. It was nice - birds were chirping, flowers sprung from the ground, and Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan were in a stable, loving marriage. Everything was perfect - until it all came crashing down and LOVE DIED, for the very first time.
Except for the time before that...
Love is Dead: Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux have just announced their separation https://t.co/nLECKHlAGj -- Magic 89.9 (@Magic899) February 17, 2018
Love is Dead: Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux have just announced their separation https://t.co/nLECKHlAGj
And the time before that:
Love is officially dead: Chris Pratt has filed for divorce from Anna Faris. https://t.co/SzqCWz8jPm -- E! News (@enews) December 3, 2017
Love is officially dead: Chris Pratt has filed for divorce from Anna Faris. https://t.co/SzqCWz8jPm
Ben Stiller and Christine Taylor broke up and love is officially dead --> https://t.co/6ItCfNe6Nj pic.twitter.com/6G8LNBuRdo -- FLARE (@FLAREfashion) May 29, 2017
Ben Stiller and Christine Taylor broke up and love is officially dead --> https://t.co/6ItCfNe6Nj pic.twitter.com/6G8LNBuRdo
Love Is Dead: Chris Evans and Jenny Slate Split After Almost a Year of Dating https://t.co/9xp99nNVJz -- Jasmine (@spazzrazz) February 8, 2017
Love Is Dead: Chris Evans and Jenny Slate Split After Almost a Year of Dating https://t.co/9xp99nNVJz
Love is dead because Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber have split https://t.co/rEEArG027F pic.twitter.com/lVjma2FKQ5 -- BuzzFeed Australia (@BuzzFeedOz) September 27, 2016
Love is dead because Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber have split https://t.co/rEEArG027F pic.twitter.com/lVjma2FKQ5
LOVE IS DEAD.Report: Angelina Jolie Filing for Divorce from Brad PittBRB; crying foreverhttps://t.co/Ui5QskretH -- Culturess (@CulturessFS) September 21, 2016
LOVE IS DEAD.Report: Angelina Jolie Filing for Divorce from Brad PittBRB; crying foreverhttps://t.co/Ui5QskretH
Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale file for divorce: In other news, love is dead. 💔💔💔 http://t.co/A4LFo1YenP pic.twitter.com/UMxaGQPSgD -- E! News (@enews) August 4, 2015
Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale file for divorce: In other news, love is dead. 💔💔💔 http://t.co/A4LFo1YenP pic.twitter.com/UMxaGQPSgD
This just in: everyone thinks love is truly dead now that Ben and Jen have split... http://t.co/Ls1r6F9f9v pic.twitter.com/uhZwzbYveh -- E! News (@enews) June 30, 2015
This just in: everyone thinks love is truly dead now that Ben and Jen have split... http://t.co/Ls1r6F9f9v pic.twitter.com/uhZwzbYveh
It's official, Will Arnett files for divorce from Amy Poehler. Love is dead. http://t.co/Kcp70b5834 -- HuffPost Divorce (@HuffPostDivorce) April 19, 2014
It's official, Will Arnett files for divorce from Amy Poehler. Love is dead. http://t.co/Kcp70b5834
So do what you must. Go about your day. Just know that love has died at least ten times in the last couple years, and I really wish celebrity couples would stop breaking up and ruining love for the rest of us.
So - please don't break up, Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively, I beg you.