WIFE: You promised not to spend the lottery winnings on something stupidME: *climbing off my new elephant* He has a name, Karen -- Floyd (@dafloydsta) December 16, 2015
WIFE: You promised not to spend the lottery winnings on something stupidME: *climbing off my new elephant* He has a name, Karen
WIFE: He won't stop pretending he's on the news.THERAPIST: Any truth to that?ME: *shuffling papers* This just in, Karen is a goddamn liar. -- Floyd (@dafloydsta) August 2, 2016
WIFE: He won't stop pretending he's on the news.THERAPIST: Any truth to that?ME: *shuffling papers* This just in, Karen is a goddamn liar.
WIFE: Stop spending money on stupid stuffME: Okay[later]WIFE: What the hell?[dog walks by in a tuxedo]ME: He's getting married, Karen -- Floyd (@dafloydsta) August 17, 2016
WIFE: Stop spending money on stupid stuffME: Okay[later]WIFE: What the hell?[dog walks by in a tuxedo]ME: He's getting married, Karen
*sitting in the dark at the kitchen table waiting for my wife*Hello Karen. Maybe you'd like to tell me who used all my essential oils -- Dan Duvall (@lazerdoov) February 15, 2017
*sitting in the dark at the kitchen table waiting for my wife*Hello Karen. Maybe you'd like to tell me who used all my essential oils
[arriving at church]WIFE: Don't go taking a nap during the sermon againME: *hiding my pillow* The 7th day is for rest, Karen -- Floyd (@dafloydsta) September 25, 2015
[arriving at church]WIFE: Don't go taking a nap during the sermon againME: *hiding my pillow* The 7th day is for rest, Karen
wife: Can't we just buy a bigger catflap?me: [buttering the cat] We're not made of money, Karen -- Sean Leahy (@thepunningman) June 12, 2015
wife: Can't we just buy a bigger catflap?me: [buttering the cat] We're not made of money, Karen
*Wife blows me a kiss from across the room**I pretend to catch it**I walk over to the window and toss it outside*"Grow up Karen" -- GoaT FacE (@EndhooS) May 19, 2014
*Wife blows me a kiss from across the room**I pretend to catch it**I walk over to the window and toss it outside*"Grow up Karen"