Twitter can be a rough place - there's lots of harrassment, Nazis, threats, and general arguing and drama that you find in most places online. But also? Some pretty funny people, making some pretty funny tweets. Here are some of the best ones lately:
1. To be fair, this would be the least controversial move by Wal-Mart in years.
oh my god they're killing the customers pic.twitter.com/33y24a7XcP-- dan mentos (@DanMentos) April 9, 2018
2. Pretty sure this is a baby pudu - but even if it isn't, this is a good reminder to google "baby pudus" and have a lil extra cuteness in your day.
heard u talking shit pic.twitter.com/xkchZ3owbm-- this guy gets it (@DonsLawnSalon) April 12, 2018
3. "Def postin' this conversation to Insta, gonna get like 100 likes."
me: *texting* call 911. i'm under my bed and a murderer is in my house-- decent pigeon (@decentbirthday) April 14, 2018
murderer: omg you texted the wrong number
me: oh no lol
murdered: coming rn
me: haha shit lmao
4. Social anxiety would have ruined The Office
you: hey that looks like updog-- jomny sun (@jonnysun) April 13, 2018
me: (wrongly assuming that people will like me more if i agree with them than if i ask them questions when im confused about something) wow it really does
5. I'm part of a gang that tags buildings with split pea soup recipes, so this PISSES ME OFF.
I always carry a sharpie in my pocket in case I need to do some graffiti pic.twitter.com/gRPGEFjGi4-- Mike F (@mikefossey) April 14, 2018
6. We live in The Matrix, I'm sure now.
This is mesmerizing pic.twitter.com/63YLdqoJHR-- Jasmine (@JasmineLWatkins) April 9, 2018
7. Whoa, where's my "heavy classical"?!
Imagine distinguishing between 'classical' and 'light classical' but smooshing a whole bunch of genres like Hip-Hop, RnB & Grime together as 'Urban' pic.twitter.com/mNxZaDz2XJ-- Scott Rhys (@scottrhysCOMEDY) April 13, 2018
8. This is the greatest grammatical question ever asked.
how did "the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog" become the typical sentence that contains all letters of the alphabet and not "sphinx of black quartz, judge my vow" which is objectively a million times cooler-- Keep Calm and Carrion (@JackOfQuills) April 12, 2018
9. FOUR-HUNDRED AND TWENTY, BLAZE IT.
ME: these edibles don't work-- demi adejuyigbe (@electrolemon) April 12, 2018
[30 min later]
ME: i was right about those edibles
FRIEND: why did you just say "hold shift M E colon release shift"
10. Finally, a political movement I can get behind.
why aren't all chairs massage chairs we have the technology we only lack the political will-- Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) April 14, 2018
11. To be fair, who actually reads books anymore?
Tapper's face in the fourth panel gives me life pic.twitter.com/WH7nME6Qcl-- Jean Little (@emily_littl) April 14, 2018
12. "Also, that blue guy keeps eating all my cookies. Why did I move here?!"
ELMO: this is my friend, Floaty. She's a cloud!-- simpranos (@Phylan) April 14, 2018
REGULAR PERSON ON SESAME STREET: great. i'm sure this'll be a whole fuckin thing
13. I'm accepting this as actual science, thank you.
Basically how the first venus fly trap happened. pic.twitter.com/UMiYvTUxGI-- Caleb愛 (@CalebCity) March 28, 2018