The world is a nice and beautiful place and we are nice and beautiful people. Just kidding, everything and everybody sucks, including us. So, we got every scientist employed at CollegeHumor to think long and hard about what could turn the global frown upside-down... And by God, we found it: Tweets & Jokes from funny people!
1. I just want to be your friend.
i smash fav on literally all of my mutuals's selfies and i'm just now learning that that makes me look horny and not supportive. for future reference i'm going for supportive-- p-garbage fieri (@buffalocialism) April 19, 2018
2. We need rules if it's gonna be a hug or handshake.
recently had a mildly awkward social interaction with someone then discovered they're moving to another country next week and I think that should be the new rule. if we do a weird handshake/hug thing someone's gotta move to New Zealand-- Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) April 19, 2018
3. What a fuckin' freak.
just poured out some chips onto a plate to make nachos then realized I didn't have cheese and then realized I didn't have salsa, so I just ate some fucking plain corn chips off a plate like a fucking idiot-- christian (@nopoweradeinusa) April 19, 2018
4. When you're a nasty one
Main account vs private account pic.twitter.com/CLaSAYRCiR-- Sarah Schauer (@SJSchauer) April 20, 2018
5. Good question though.
ME: if I peed in a hot tub every day for a year - like I mean every time I had to pee - could I fill it all the way up?-- KT NELSON (@KrangTNelson) April 20, 2018
SURGEON: I meant did you have any questions for me about your appendectomy
6. This is a 2 parter with an absolutely crushing response.
would y'all answer the phone during sex? 🤨-- dandan 💚 (@dankristan) April 11, 2018
If it's my man then yea https://t.co/w4rwUAXjV7-- Ambar (@leiyala) April 11, 2018
7. Viral content is good.
Looking back, the best thing about growing up in the 90s was if u fucked up and spilled a glass of milk on the dog or something ur mom couldn't post it on facebook while other moms comment some shit like "looks like a typical morning at our house! 😂❤️"-- chuuch (@ch000ch) April 12, 2018
8. I mean, awoooga!
you know why all the babes and chicks hang out at mall food courts? because that's where all the hunks and studs are-- keith buckley (@deathoftheparty) March 13, 2018
if you don't love me at my worst well me neither-- JuanPa (@jpbrammer) April 5, 2018
10. Hair flip.
me:-- gary from teen mom (@garyfromteenmom) April 2, 2018
girl sitting outside of hot topic: whatever. i just wanna go home and play with my pet albino rat Bronson
11. This is just BEAUTIFUL.
im crying im so happy for them pic.twitter.com/WNxmnQxswY-- lucas 🦊 (@lostboy) April 2, 2018