Who needs drugs or alcohol to achieve that buzz you desire? We've got all your brain needs right here in the form of great, funny, endorphin-rush inducing tweets. So kick back, relax, and let your mind go.
1. Wow, bricks AND a basket? They truly went above and beyond.
The MTA at the forefront of innovation. pic.twitter.com/Rzp9kx6xTM-- Tony Akio Cohen (@CelluloidSimple) May 17, 2018
2. Nope, just a horrible coincidence!
My kid just asked if 'duct tape' is short for 'abduction tape'.-- Booty and the Beast (@JarheadnBlondie) May 17, 2018
... we're totally nailing this parenting thing.
3. The biggest bowl you can find, but bigger.
The most important thing I've learned in life, and I can't stress this enough: you gotta make a salad in a bigger bowl than you think-- Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) May 14, 2018
4. Please answer, Alex. For I have no feelings or emotions.
5. Roasted your old, fancy dish-having asses.
"millenials spend all their money on luxuries!" says the generation that insists on having expensive sets of "good" plates as well as regular plates as if anyone gives a shit.-- steph 🌿 (@plantxbasic) May 16, 2018
6. I'm leaning towards yes?
Are they the DJ's at a funeral for cocaine? pic.twitter.com/r1pBsrJEGc-- Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 17, 2018
7. Sorry bro but you're certifiably toxic.
Cutting toxic people out of my life. No more "friends" covered in hydrofluoric acid who think it's "cool" to eat lead-- Andrea More (@amore_orless) September 17, 2017
8. It's true. Read a book.
There were no dating apps in the 1950s. You just crashed a pyramid of water skiing girls into a pyramid of water skiing guys and hoped for the best.-- Mike Ginn (@shutupmikeginn) May 12, 2018
9. True, listen closely.
Friend 1: It's Yanny.-- Kyle Walny (@k_walnation3) May 17, 2018
Friend 2: It's Laurel.
10. Also apples and spinach are what I call ass.
I love eating ASS!-- Iffie Redd (@IfyNwadiwe) May 17, 2018
A - Apples
S - Spinach
S - Some ass
11. Dumb, useless charts the best charts.
This is perhaps my favourite chart ever pic.twitter.com/MuDLaVIdpk-- 🍒 高富帅 (@zzap) May 17, 2018
12. Crazy, but 100% true.
Don't psych yourself out thinking you need a fancy tool to achieve artistic greatness. This is the original MailStation that William Shakespeare used to write several of his most famous plays. pic.twitter.com/uozSiK3tKQ-- Matthewせいじ (@matthewseiji) May 17, 2018
13. It's official. This meme is complete.
So...-- Jhall (@JHallComics) May 17, 2018
meBODY once told me the world was gonna roll me pic.twitter.com/Y398eVE5H9