I can't lie, those are some cute little pockets! I know you keep your little phone in those tiny pockets, so why not keep some short little funny-time jokes in them? I know what you're thinking, "how am I gonna put all these jokes into my short tiny pockets?" Well, dummy, it is on this website! So it is in your phone that is already in your little stubby pockets!
Oh, while you're at it, why not follow these funny people on twitter?
1. Just be nice to me
an example of a grand romantic gesture is not hurting my feelings-- jamie loftus (@jamieloftusHELP) May 24, 2018
2. OI! BRUV!
The first mainstream movie to ever feature the word "fuck" sounds like a fake movie Twitter would invent to clown on British people. pic.twitter.com/T5720mVZQw-- chris person (@Papapishu) May 23, 2018
3. It gets... worse
An important message for writers: A year ago today, I was riddled with angst and self-doubt, not knowing if I'll ever write again. A year later, I'm still the same but I've put on weight.-- Ben Davis (@bendavis_86) May 22, 2018
4. The wild west
The airport is a lawless place. 7am? Drink a beer. Tired? Sleep on the floor. Hungry? Chips now cost $17-- Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) May 23, 2018
5. IT'S SO HARD
Who decides which tweets go viral and which ones don't?? I have been putting out quality content for YEARS and I'm starting to understand how Leonardo DiCaprio felt waiting for his Oscar.-- Hannah Bullock (@HannahB_15) May 23, 2018
6. Gas, stop playing me, immediately!
Me: this gas should last me the whole week-- nene (@colormeneonPink) May 17, 2018
The gas: pic.twitter.com/sFGi9GHVd1
7. Hubba hubba! awoooga!!
me: i could never date someone in the armed forces, it goes against my feelings about the military industrial complex-- taylor garron (@casualafro) May 24, 2018
also me, when a sailor walks by in full naval uniform during fleet week: pic.twitter.com/CiMtKQVw0o
8. Because of sex, you see
Whenever I see my proctologist I always turn around during the exam and scream, "you should see the other guy!"-- Joel Kim Booster (@ihatejoelkim) May 24, 2018
9. Chill dude
[sees a bundle of bees]-- David Hughes (@david8hughes) May 24, 2018
Bundle of bees: we are a swarm of bees not a bundle
Me with a flamethrower: I do not give a fuck
10. A classic meet-cute
message to the girl on the skateboard who almost rode into me because she was taking an enormous bite of a hotdog and not paying attention: i love you. you are my wife now. i will never hurt you.-- beth mccoll (@imteddybless) May 23, 2018
11. I bet it is
[looking at a criminal line up]-- Kal (@captainkalvis) May 23, 2018
me: *gasps* holy shit
cop: what? do you recognize your wife's killer?
me: i have that same shirt [pressing intercom] #4 is that from Old Navy?
12. Hell yea, you know I do this
y'all ever jus take a piss standin up to flex on newborn infants .. they not potty trained n they can't even walk LMAOOOO ... mfs look like a bag of pizza dough wit a face drawn on it-- duunk (@duunk) May 24, 2018