When you work in the service industry, you wind up witnessing the whole spectrum of human behavior - from the best to the worst, although there's a pretty big focus on "the worst." And there's a special insight that people in the restaurant industry can offer us, since they are privy to the most awkward bits of human interaction imaginable: DATES. There's something inherently awkward about having an intimate encounter like a date at a very public place like a restaurant - stress, romance, food, and expectations all twirl together to form the perfect storm of awkwardness. Thankfully, servers / waiters / busboys are there to report the worst of the worst - and this r/AskReddit thread helpfully gathered plenty of 'em:
1. This sounds like a trainwreck, except at least trainwrecks don't last this long (from THATsyracusefan)
Date I witnessed
Guy pulls out chair for girl, she doesn't realize what he is doing, awkward pause
Sits down, guy clears throat and starts coughing because he cleared it to hard or something
She doesn't know what to do, ignores him picks up the menu
Waiter comes she asks her date if he knows what's good, he says he'll have what she is having, hands menu to waiter, she orders seafood, awkward pause, he is allergic to seafood takes the menu back and looks for another minute, waiter says he can come back, he says no he'll have a steak, waiter leaves
They sit staring, not quietly looking around or at their phones, staring at each other in silence until food comes which they eat in silence
My gf at the time and i were on the edge of our seats waiting for something to happen
2. Reminder: always break up AT THE END OF THE DATE. (from josskt)
The couple broke up.
He dumped her toward the beginning. Girl cried while giving her order. They finished their whole meal, dessert and all.
3. The only appropriate response to this is some version of a Larry David GIF. (from littleredhoodlum)
Used to bartend/waitress at a pub back in the day.
One evening a guy comes in and sits down at a table for two. I go ask him if he want a drink. He orders a drink and tells me that he is waiting for a girl he's meeting for a date to order food.
He waits for a bit and I served him a couple drinks. An hour passes, He's looking at his phone occasionally and drinking. He finally comes up to the bar after an hour and a half, and tells me he thinks he's been stood up.
That's rough man. He orders a couple drinks neat and pounds them back. He's starting to look and sound considerably worse for wear at this point. He ordered a couple more drinks and I told him to wait a bit. He convinced me to get them for him by telling me he was going to drink them and leave. So he downs the drink and get up to leave.
Who should walk in the door as he's turning to go, his date. She was still wearing scrubs and looked pretty disheveled. She apologized up one side and down the other for being late.
I then got to serve one of the most awkward dates ever. He was drunk, like I probably shouldn't have gave him that last drink drunk. They make some small talk and it's terribly awkward. He gets up and goes to the bathroom.
20 minutes go by and he doesn't come back. Finally one of the male servers walk up and tells her that her date is having some troubles in the bathroom. He was sitting on the toilet bawling.
We asked her to get him out of there. We called him a cab and she pretty much shoved him into it and ran.
4. This guy is doing a great job at pretending to be a jerk boyfriend from a romcom the girl realizes is a jerk just in time for her to go running to the nice guy. At least, I HOPE that was what was going on. (from cazzo_di_frigida)
Tinder date. Guy keeps ordering for the girl. (Shit like that is weird anyway but when you are legitimately having dinner with a stranger, why the fuck would you think that's ok?)
He ordered her drink (liquor) which she corrected to a glass of wine. Then he ordered her some soup, which she stated she didn't want. Then he ordered her meal (shrimp scampi), which she corrected to chicken marsala because she is allergic to shellfish.
She was very sweet and I'm assuming was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. Until something took a turn and she poured her wine on his head and stormed out.
The one good thing about him though... he tipped the hell out of me. like almost 60% tip on an already expensive meal.
I would kill to find out what he said to make this seemingly sweet girl pour cabernet all over him.
5. I really identify with the wife's side-piece boyfriend. (from Offbeatnic)
I once was a server at a very upscale French restaurant in NYC. One evening a middle-aged man and a young woman are sat in my section, clearly on a date. You could tell this woman was his mistress by the way they interacted with each other. They were high maintenance but pleasant enough. Right after they had received their entrees, the man looks across the way to another table and loses all the color in his face. His date noticed and turned to see what he was looking at. The mans wife was at another table, also on a date with her side piece, on the other side of the restaurant. The wife sees him and has the same expression on her face, which very quickly turns to rage. She briskly walks over to his table and starts whisper-yelling at him, pointing her finger right in his face. He starts to do the same back at her. This isn't a very big restaurant, everyone knows what's going on and the atmosphere gets icy. The mans date is just staring at her plate, absolutely mortified. The wife's date pretends nothing is happening and continues eating. Eventually, the wife storms back over to her table and wolfs down her dinner (no exaggeration, she was like rage eating). He sits down and his mistress won't speak to him for the rest of the meal. This is a fine dining restaurant and they ordered multiple courses. Having to clear, crumb, and reset their table two more times was less than fun. He left a very big tip and apologized on the way out.
6. Oh no. OH NO. Oh....no. (from MsCardeno)
We had a middle-aged lady come in with a gentleman. They asked for 3 menus. I went over to the table to introduce myself and ask if they were waiting for one more. The woman said no her husband is here and then the two physically at the table ordered drinks and a water.
When I came back to drop off the drinks her "date" was in the bathroom. The lady explained to me that her husband had died a few years ago and this guy (a friend) kept asking to go out. So she said yes but insisted her DEAD HUSBAND come with them. This is why they had 3 menus. She instructed me to bring her husband up as often as possible, pretend that I knew him and make sure I ask if he's having anything for dinner when I took their dinner order. She would refer to him just as if he was sitting right there. I then heard her tell this guy all night that he tries too hard and he's kind of mean.
I do not miss working in the restaurant industry.
7. My neck muscles are tensing up just hearing that quote. C'mon, bro. (from themedhippie)
It was clearly a blind date. Neither were comfortable at all. Dropped off drinks, both were polite, dropped off food, asked how everything was, the guy rolled his eyes and said "well the food is great I just wish SHE would TALK more". Girl's face went tomato red and I dropped off the check shortly after. Poor girl
8. Thank god she got out. (from TheDoubtfulGuest)
To preface, I work in a restaurant where we make our own ketchup and some people just don't like it. Fine, whatever, if you're nice I'll bring you the secret Heinz ketchup as long as you don't tell anyone. Anyway, a woman is seated at my table looking super excited and tells me she's on a blind date. She orders a glass of wine and waits anxiously, how cute right? So this dude shows up on his phone, ignores my hostess, and eventually finds this beautiful women waiting for him. He continued to talk on his phone for like, 15 minutes, and when he finally hung up I went to the table. He tried to order for her which obviously embarrassed her, and for himself ordered a well done steak and fries. When I brought it to him he asked for A1 and REAL ketchup. When I informed him we had neither he grunted and said he had ketchup packets in his truck. As soon as he walked out the door she asked for her half of the check and her food to go. I helped her leave out the side door before he could even come back. It was awkward serving him after that. He used 7 ketchup packets.
9. To be fair, this sounds like a pretty dope date night. (from kelsiezz)
I worked at a nice Italian restaurant a couple years ago. One night a couple came in and specifically asked to sit in my section. I had no idea who they were, but the host said they looked at me and asked to sit there because they "vibe with me". Whatever, so I start taking their order and talking with them, and they were acting very odd. They were being over the top friendly, super touchy feely with each other, and just kind of moving all weird. Finally they tell me that tonight was their date night so they decided to take LSD and come get steak and pasta. I don't really know why they wanted to to do it, but they were nice enough. When they were leaving they tried to get my number to "hang out" later.
10. WTF VINCE?! (from WrldsOkayestBartendr)
Ok, walk into work at 5p.m. the only people in the bar were a couple on a date. A fellow bartender walks out of the restroom shaking his head in disbelief and shock. He immediately starts pointing to the guy and told me what happened. I walk into the men's restroom and before my precious eyes lays a Havana omelet (feces) on the floor and shit smeared all over the restroom wall like a fucking mosaic. I'm so livid and dry heaving at this point that a waitress asked if she could say something to the gentleman. I said sure, and she walked up to the table and asked the guy if he shit himself and if he needs a doctor. The woman on the date then turns around to look at the waitress in complete confusion and asked what the waitress said. The waitress then replied "he knows what I'm talking about, he shat all over the mens." The woman on the date shoved her plate and drink into the guys lap and said " Really Vince? Again!?" He ran out so fast before we could make him clean it.
11. ... (from gustydragon)
I once saw a guy shake his dates hand when she reached over to grab some bread.