1. "Okay, let's play 2 questions."
"Haha let's play 21 questions" honestly just ask me my boob size and if I've ever done anal and let's be done with it-- gracie hoos (@cottoncandaddy) June 2, 2018
2. Okay this is actually a genius move when you're looking for your luggage at the airport.
This woman who got her own face printed on her luggage is the hero we need right now pic.twitter.com/kqUFPS0vo7-- Ron DOV (@rez512) June 2, 2018
3. Jaws, you have been HUMILIATED.
If I was in the movie Jaws I would simply stay out of the water, rendering the shark's fury useless.-- chris (@garflyf) June 2, 2018
4. This is the healthiest middle school relationship ever.
in 7th grade a boy asked me to be his girlfriend and I wasn't sure I heard him correctly so I panicked and just said yes and then he high fived me and we never spoke again. Jamal, if you're out there, happy 11 year anniversary-- Erma G (@erma_geddon) June 1, 2018
5. Well, at least you didn't book the "Drinking milk gives you 'tiny penis disease'" gig
With the benefit of hindsight, accepting this modelling job was definitely a mistake pic.twitter.com/FeKHUaqX3F-- Marley (@marleybennett) June 2, 2018
6. To be fair, that's a very good reason for calling him that.
People: Dark Souls lore is so mysterious and evocative-- Matthewせいじ (@matthewseiji) June 3, 2018
Dark Souls: They call him Big Hat Logan because he wears a big hat
7. We are not thankful enough to the gays.
all straight people would be dressing like this if gays didn't invent skinny jeans pic.twitter.com/xegjD2w6gv-- Lourdes (@gossipgriII) June 2, 2018
8. Always acting soooooo innocent.
just came back from the vet & the doctor told me my cat was pregnant, the lil bitch got the nerve to look shock. 🤦🏽♀️ pic.twitter.com/TntP1qMD5g-- swervo. (@liherbs) June 2, 2018
9. It's true, high school movies lied to us.
When I was at school I was all like "ooh your looks will fade but brains are forever" but now the hot people are even hotter and it takes my hummus brain 2 months to read a novel-- S (@seanbgoneill) June 3, 2018
10. I mean, both things can be true.
i used to think there was a fiona apple song for every occasion but it turns out i just have clinical depression-- J. Jennifer Espinoza (@sadqueer4life) June 2, 2018
11. "And a side of root trimmings."
medieval peasant man: mmm what's for dinner-- pretty saro (@spindlypete) June 3, 2018
12. I'm angry a week after reading this tweet.
I asked this dude if he was introverted or extroverted and he told me he was more liberal but didn't really get into politics. I'm still angry about it, that was 4 hours ago-- Ms. Thing (@_Ms_Thing) June 2, 2018
13. Those homophobic cake people are speechless.
If God doesn't like gay people, then why do we look like perfect angels & homophobes look like God didn't even try?-- Solomon Georgio (@solomongeorgio) June 4, 2018
14. "30 is basically 15."
me at 20: i have reached the peak of my maturity. this is it for me, forever-- Shaun (@shaun_jen) June 10, 2018
me at 30: being 20 is basically the same as being 12
15. He'll scramble your eggs and toss your salad, brother.
Just remembered the indie wrestler whose gimmick probably isn't Frasier but should be Frasier pic.twitter.com/kS9ZAgVFzW-- Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) June 10, 2018