undefined

Having sex on an airplane -- AKA joining the Mile High Club -- is apparently as challenging as it seems. Not only is it hard as hell to even cram into one of those tiny stalls, but the effort into convincing your loved one and also having no one notice, makes this club membership extremely low. Don't believe us? Take these flight attendants and fellow passengers word for it:

1. manic_unicorn -- Damn, get a (bath)room, you two. 

I've been a flight attendant for 3 years and I've never caught anyone. I did have a coworker tell me she had two people in first class (during sleep time with all the lights off) having sex in one of their seats.

2. Rangarig93 -- Nobody wants to be the JO police. 

There seems to be a lack of flight attendants in this sub so I'll chime in to help my coworkers.

Couple gets on the plane in high spirits and make themselves comfortable in the last row of the plane (where out galley is), Myself and the other FA dont think much about it and go about our business. After service is done we stow the carts and I notice that there was a jacket covering the guy, and the lady was half under it. (he was in the aisle seat and she was by the window, should point out now this was not a full flight).

I'm tapping the other FA on the shoulder and whisper "Is this really happening??" The lady's hands were clearly in his pants and the guy reclined his chair all the way to enjoy what was happening.

We had thought about getting them to stop but were too uncomfortable to start a conversation and they weren't making, well, any noise, as well as we figured if the guy was gonna nut it was gonna be in his jacket. So, we went back to doing our jobs.

Guess what was stuck on the window after the flight. Spoilers, it was gum but the initial scare got us good.

(Edit: There was also a time an older lady invited me to his club, but I believe that's a story for another day.)

3. CHarleq -- Wow, asking the flight attendant. Never thought of that. 

I took the easy way out. I was with my girlfriend on long flight (pre 9/11). She was game, so I went up and asked the flight attendant if she would mind if we uh used the bathroom together. She said sure, just try not to be too long. And off we went.

4. tuskvarner -- Coulda had some crammed, gross pukey bathroom sex. 

I'll abbreviate the story but I was flying back from my grandma's funeral and started a conversation with the woman next to me and she got drunk and showed me grainy naked pics of herself on her flip phone and she got wasted on red wine and tried to get me to have sex with her in the lavatory but I declined. She was puking in there as we were landing.

5. murph-eh -- Nice try, [Mike]. 

I'm not a flight attendant but my two friends got pretty smashed before their flight. My buddy put one of [Kate's] rings on his finger claiming they just got engaged in order to argue his way to sitting next to her. 

[Kate] heads to the bathroom as soon as the seatbelt signs off and 1 minute later i see my buddy [Mike] making moves to the back. 

14 rows away from the back of the plane all we heard was:

KNOCK KNOCK "Yo [Kate] let me the fuck in!"

It didn't work out for him but it was a hell of an effort.

6. ChaneI -- How anyone can logistically fuck in those bathrooms is beyond me. 

Not a flight attendant but I was recently on a flight where two people made it obvious that they were trying to do the nasty. The bathroom on the airplane was extremely small and unfortunately the couple was more on the bigger side. They tried to both squeeze into a bathroom not so quietly and it failed as they couldn't get the door to even close.

7. showbreadfan -- We'll allow it. 

Just an observer, but I saw a guy getting a handy under a sweatshirt. Does that count?

8. yoursolace -- This is insane. 

Once I was flying from NY to Vegas to meet up with some friends and there was a guy next to me who was clearly pretty interested in chatting, so we had a very generic small talk conversation and then I started watching a movie

Mid movie I had to use the bathroom, so I asked if I could get past him, he said something and gestured what I thought meant "oh want me to move" and I just was doing my not actually listening and yeah yeah I have to get past

He walks out into the aisle so I can get out of our row, but he is between me and the nearest bathroom, so I move a step or two down the aisle so he can get back into out row of seats but instead he starts walking toward the bathroom, and I thought well fine, I guess he will go to the other one since both vacant signs are lit up

But then he walks just past the bathrooms and doesn't try and open either of them, but oh well, I have to pee. So I go in and within a few seconds someone seems to be trying to open the door, I say "just a minute" or something, it jiggles a few more times, and then I hear the guy from the seat next to me voice. Something like "let me know when you are ready" or something

Anyhow I finish up and open the door and he's standing right in front of it, and starts trying to get in, so I just squeeze past him and have to push him a bit and run back to my seat

He comes back too, and sits right back next to me, and we both sit in silence for the remainder of the flight

Tldr: while not paying attention and nodding along just wanting to get past I think I may have agreed to airplane bathroom sex with some random guy

9. DrumCorpsAlum -- This would've been the easiest attempt to join the mile high club. It was practically gifted to you. 

Actual flight attendant here. My girlfriend came on one of my layovers recently, and we had a very long delay to get back home. The flight that left before us was booked light, so they reaccomodated all of the remaining passengers to that flight. When we finally flew back to base, we had no passengers, so my girlfriend decided to stay on my flight and be the only passenger. Looking back I probably missed an opportunity.

10. lostintheozone -- 'How'd you two lovebirds meet?' 'Oh, he fingered me on a plane.' 

I was on a flight maybe a decade ago during spring break, so lots of college students on my plane. It was a large plane with a middle row with 3 seats, I was to the left and sitting on my right was a male army bro in his early 20's, and to his right a college aged lady. They get to talking, she is obviously flirting with him, he is talking about his army training, it's not captivating at all, but they have chemistry. I watch a forgettable movie and disregard their conversation. About two hours in I start to hear make out sounds next to me, I'm not gonna hate they can have their fun, but it escalates. I start to hear her moaning and he quite obviously is fingering her aggressively, no shame at all. I feel a bit like the the 3rd wheel so I went to the lavatory to give them privacy. After returning to my seat, it was apparent he had done a good job and as we deplaned it was clear they were going to find to closest private space to finish the tryst.

11. haha_hehe_lol -- You aren't in Disnleyland anymore, kid. 

I'm not a flight attendant, but I once walked to the back of the plane when I was like 10 to take a piss. My family and I were coming back from Disneyland to Chicago, and I was mostly just bored because of the long flight. The bathroom sign said 'vacant', so I just opened the door not expecting anyone to be in there.

I walked in on like an 80 year old couple doing something weird. Apparently they forgot to lock the door. I was so shocked and embarrassed that I didn't even know what to say. I just stood there frozen in the doorway and said nothing. The old lady slammed the door shut, and I just walked back to my seat. I was really young and didn't really understand sex yet, so this didn't click in my mind until a couple years later. They were either having some fun or helping each other go to the bathroom. I don't even really know what I saw, but it wasn't pretty.

12. flywasatch -- Well put. 

Flight attendant here, As a guy was walking off the plane, he looked me straight in the eye and asked "who do I talk to about joining the mile high club?" My reply "don't be that guy. Nobody likes that guy."