So first off, let me-

...

Ahhhh shoot. Really wanted to make a post on the internet that would be free of references to President Donald Trump, but I guess I already mentioned him in the title, which kinda defeats the whole point. So many articles and videos are breathlessly recounting what Trump did or will do or spouting opinions on Trump, I wanted to make one post that was free of any reference to him, but in order to make that point CLEAR, I had to mention him. Well, maybe from here on out I won't mention Trump.

Ahhhh jeez. I guess I mentioned him, like, 4 or 5 times in that last paragraph alone. For a post that was designed to not mention Trump and be an oasis from the relentless onslaught of Trump news, I sure am mentioning Trump a lot. Really, this post - so far - mentions Trump WAY more times than even a normal post about Trump would. Oh wow I mentioned his name twice in the last sentence alone.

Ugggh looks like I've dug myself in a pretty big hole here - much like the one Trump dug himself in at the G7 summit! Oh man, there we go - went and mentioned Trump again. I mean, I've mentioned the name "Trump" 12 times already in less than 3 paragraphs. Well, 13 if you count the time I used his name to explain the name I had mentioned 12 times.

Oh man, this post that was supposed to be about literally everything EXCEPT Trump now seems pretty laser-focused on only talking about Trump. Shit shit shit.

Uhhhh what's some non-Trump stuff that's going on? Shoot, I guess even by classifying all that stuff as "non-Trump" stuff I'm indirectly invoking Trump, which - again - defeats the point. Really at this point it sure seems like I'm completely obsessed with Trump - and anyone who clicked on this post hoping to find some respite from all the Trump mentioning must really regret their decision. Let me formally apologize for mentioning Trump more than anything else in this post where I promised to talk about everything except him.

I guess I probably should've made a post called "Puppies!" or something, and not mentioned Trump but also not made a big deal out of not mentioning Trump, right? But I really wanted to make sure people KNEW this post was an oasis away from Trump mentions, although it's that line of thinking that has led me here, and OH GOD this is only about Trump now and I'm part of the problem of the media being unable to stop talking about Trump, even when they specifically try to do the exact opposite of that.

Okay, fresh start - let's talk about something not related to....uh, the person I promised to not mention. Although me just saying that is BASICALLY the same thing, because I'm asking you (the reader) to infer who I mean by that, and by this point it's pretty obvious that it's Trump, so I'm just indirectly talking about him, which is pretty much just as bad. Shit shit shit.

What about....uhhhh....puppies? Ever see a puppy? Puppies are....cool?

Oh god I'm thinking about Trump so much I've completely forgotten how to write about anything else. Probably should've considered that fact before I started this post.

Here's a puppy - I'm sorry

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GODDAMMIT not sure how that happened guys lemme try again

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NO NO NO fuck okay let me try one more time

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Uhhh that's close enough I guess.