If you're like us, and you hate standing in line for an hour so you can watch two horrible, butt-puckering acts before the comedian you actually came to see goes on stage, then this post is for you. Enjoy all the jokes without the the extraneous folks!

Also, if you're worried about supporting up-and-coming comedians, then just send them some money on Venmo or retweet them or tell them their daddy issues really do make a great comedy act. 

1. It puts the lotion on the banana. 

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via lindsaylucido

2. *buys kettlebells online* phew, good work out, I'm exhausted. 

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via joechristiansun

3. How do you like your eggs? Over easy? Scrambled it is!

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via mikescrazymind1

4. It's just guy love. 

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via loyddigg

5. MA! Please! 

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via stacyyines

6. HYPOCRITES!

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via thewordoftodd

7. Psh, you should call me an environmentalist. 

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via jeremysmiles

8. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

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via CJHernandez

9. Didn't we date in 10th grade?

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via mateenstewart

10. Amen, brother. 

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via bestsciencejoke