When you're at work, you've pretty much always gotta have a somewhat professional demeanor. I mean, unless you work at Google or Disney or something and employees are constantly playing human sized chess or whatever weird shit goes on over there. These workplaces were more traditional though, and these employees had their 'professional faces' put to the test with some bizarre situations.

1. LogicalBike -- The History of Smutty Literature: Volume I

I'm a translator and recently was asked to translate a magazine article about the history of smutty literature, talking about stuff like The School of Venus. This particular client speaks English quite well and actively reviews my translations, so I'll usually send her the file and then she'll send it back with comments or clarifications or suggestions for words she'd prefer that I use. That's how I ended up in a professional discussion about which terms to use to describe whipping in a BDSM context.

2. secondwind93 -- It has been cooked all flat-like and leafy.

An elderly lady complained to me that her broccoli hadn't been cooked properly. It was kale, and it had been.

3. Korps_de_Krieg -- And the Oscar for Hidden Rage goes to:

I found out my fiance had been cheating on me about an hour into a 12 hour overnight hotel desk shift.

I still want my Oscar for no customers seeing the inner turmoil of my life ripping itself apart through the veneer of customer service polish.

4. BruceLee1255 -- I am an Assmann, born and raised.

I was working at an internet provider when someone came in to pay his bill. Now, I've seen a lot of ridiculous last names and I've kept a straight face, but this time I couldn't help it.

His last name was "Assmann." I broke up laughing in front of him and apologized profusely. He was pretty chill about it and was like, "It got me a lot of action in high school."

For the record, he pronounced it "AHHS-men."

5. n3phtis -- Important Meeting Re: Dust Dick

My former boss called for a staff meeting because someone drew a massive dick in a dusty window in the back of the office.

6. drunkbabydinosaur -- I'm also getting heated on your behalf.

When a parent told me that the only reason I was a special education teacher was because I "wasn't good enough to teach normal kids." Even thinking about it now gets me heated.

7. treehouse1441 -- Sounds like this was handled the best way possible.

I used to work at a full service car wash and there were some complaints, so management hired a quality control guy who made more money than those who had been there for years who had never washed a car in his life, but nonetheless he was an extra pair of hands. 

Every single day the guy wasn't only late, but like 2 hours late and since he was the managers friend they didn't fire him. And the cherry on top was that he drank too much the night before. 

In the car wash realm, every person matters. If you're late, now the other guys there are stuck doing more work, but they don't get paid for it. 1 car in the bay is fine, but when 5-6 would pull up we'd be screwed. 15 minutes of extra work is one thing, but 2 hours!?

I don't understand how anyone could even be that late. I could drive to another state in that amount of time. 

Anyway I finally had it and messaged the owner of the company and went off telling him how I thought it was bull crap and incredibly unprofessional. There's no way that guy should be making more than me. They finally fired him.

8. blink2356 -- Sir I must add more cloth for your mega-dong.

Now it's whatever, but when I was just starting out in costuming, it was mostly the ridiculousness of some of the fittings I had to do. You try not to, but sometimes you have to giggle when you're fitting some guy and talking very seriously about how much room he needs added to the crotch of his continental army issue knee breeches because he has a big dick, or have to try with all your might to not snap at a skinny ass broadway actor who's whining when you put her actual measurement down and not some weird vanity size she thinks she is.

9. MetalGilSolid -- Handled like a total RO

Oh jeez. A guy had an interview with my company and my coworkers and I were looking at his resume beforehand. We noticed that there were several spelling errors, including spelling 'project' as 'roject'.

So the guy comes in and I'm (along with a coworker) interviewing him, giving technical questions and whatnot (he wasn't doing that well). The guy's back is to the rest of my office and the wall is glass (so see through, obviously).

In the middle of the interview, a coworker on the outside looks at me and slowly raises a piece of paper from his desk, facing it towards me. On it is a single word in capital letters: "ROJECT". 

I had to excuse myself to "get a drink of water" when in reality I needed to catch my breath to prevent myself from cracking up.

10. Back2Bach -- What a mean lady, threatening to spread gossipy lies.

I once had a piano student whose mother made him take music lessons.

After several weeks it became apparent to me that the boy's heart wasn't in it and that allowing his mother to force him to continue was not in his best interest.

When I explained this, his mother insisted that I continue teaching him - no matter what - and that if I didn't she'd "spread the word" that I had failed him as a student. 

At that point, I told her to do whatever she felt she had to because forcing a student to study music against his wishes would do harm, long term, and that I wouldn't be party to it.

11. tapehead4 -- WHAT

I would say the coworker who took a fresh dump and placed it in the office microwave fits the criteria.

12. tokes_4_DE -- Pin drama.

Had a guy threatening to "put me on blast" on the facebook groups I actively sell / buy / trade pins on. He claims he ordered a pin from me months prior, and never received it. Well I go through all my PayPal transactions and theres not one that matches his name, nor ANY with money coming in that I didnt ship out. Finally find a transaction for him, and the reason he never got anything is because he ordered a pin, and then filed a claim for a refund within the next 3 days.... showed him this and he tries to say he never got a refund, even though it shows clear as day the money in / out in my account lines up. Finally made him log onto his PayPal and screenshot the transaction info, and wouldnt you know it, it says transaction cancelled, money refunded. Needless to say I was realllyyyy struggling not flipping out, as most of my income comes from this hobby, and your reputation means everything.

13. daveed2001 -- Perhaps we tape small pillows to our heads pre-excrement release?

We have meetings on accident prevention every time a major accident in our company happens. Every time.

Couple years ago a man straining too hard taking a shit passed out and fell forward leaving a large gash on his forehead and a concussion.

Imagine sitting around with 8 other people discussing how to prevent head injuries while taking a shit.