If you consider yourself a bad person, get out NOW. These very good tweets are only for the select few that consider themselves very good people. So if you're not busy donating blood or helping the less fortunate, give these nice ole tweets a gander..
1. Give it time.
BIG HORSE: shall i kill him and set u free?-- wylde de beest (@flashember) June 4, 2017
LITTLE HORSE: no, wait until the boy has his own family, then take his first born as i was taken pic.twitter.com/bUc95jD39z
2. Why not?
What.... is this... I'm in the middle of the desert why is this here??? pic.twitter.com/oTMiGc0Wno-- Sela (@selashiloni) July 6, 2018
3. You can't win.
[I dont get invited to a party]-- jo diggity (@WhaJoTalkinBout) May 6, 2018
[I get invited to a party]
4. Worth the wait.
friend request had been idling in his inbox for like 6 years, but alas, I am finally able to conduct the sickest burn in American history-- brian best (@verybestof_me) July 4, 2018
they will turn today into a holiday pic.twitter.com/6lMz13H4i2
5. Hurry, times ticking.
I have A Goofy Movie rented for 71 more hours if anyone wants to fuck-- helen (@helen) July 6, 2018
6. But DAMN do you look good.
I wake up at 5AM every day, spend 4 grueling hours in my kitchen fixing my breakfast paella, which I barely have time to enjoy before it's time to begin my lunch paella. But hey, i didn't start my paella cleanse because it's easy, I did it because something is very wrong with me.-- Mike Ginn (@shutupmikeginn) July 5, 2018
7. I see what you did there.
you: his name is Rube Goldberg-- Karen Chee (@karencheee) July 5, 2018
me: huh, that name rings a bell, which sets off a trap that undoes a buckle and releases a ball that rolls down a pipe and
8. I don't envy that wildebeest.
Think you know guilt?-- wylde de beest (@flashember) May 29, 2014
*takes long drag on cigarette*
I'm the wildebeest who killed Mufasa.
I hear Simba's screams every night.
9. Gotta give this a try.
Favorite new thing:-- kevinbiegel (@kbiegel) July 5, 2018
Scratching haunting things into bananas at the market so when people take them home hours later and the words appear they think a ghost knows their secrets. pic.twitter.com/aDOMd3K8cX
10. The spooky bitch delivers once again.
Edgar Allan Poe: would you like to see what I've hidden beneath my floorboards?-- Doth (@DothTheDoth) July 5, 2018
Me: look, you spooky bitch, I would love to.
11. Now THIS I'd watch.
I think every contestant in the hot dog eating contest should have to eat only 1 hot dog, and they judge on style-- Jason Isbell (@JasonIsbell) July 6, 2018