When we're young, we barely understand even our own bodies, let alone how the bodies of the opposite sex work. But as time goes on, we learn. We have sex ed classes, we are taught things by peers and all that. Some people missed the memo on some crucial info though, and didn't learn very normal things about the opposite gender until waaay later on in life. These are their embarrassing stories:
1. Excuse me, teacher, I have a question re: floppy cocks.
Took me until high school to realize that the penis needs to get hard in order to enter the vagina. The sex ed we had in grade school was ok--it talked all about the reproductive organs and what they do, but nothing about how actual intercourse worked. I spent too long wondering how the heck a floppy penis was supposed to get inside that small hole.
mycatiswatchingyou / Reddit.com
2. "Uhh, cuz, cuz I only know it by its FULL name CLITORIS"
Had a friend who only figured out what a clitoris was in a game of Cards Against Humanity at the ripe age of 26. He was the one judging the cards in a game with 3 guys and 4 girls. Someone played the clit card. He read the card aloud and goes, "I don't even know what that is".
Awkward silence ensued. Never felt so bad for someone in my life.
wastinghouse / Reddit.com
3. Girls do not commit the forbidden sin.
A long time ago in my late teens, a girl asked me really uncomfortable questions and she admitted she was an open book. I asked if she masturbates. She said "no. girls don't masturbate."
I believed her for the longest time until I met my ex. Which then revealed she did. It was a combination of embarrassment and anger on being trolled.
AT1787 / Reddit.com
4. Give that dong a lil smooch.
I dated my now husband in high school, and had an embarrassing attempt at a first blow job. I didn't really watch porn, so I literally just started kissing it (no tongue) and then asked if it felt good.
"Ummmmmm........ not really"
He still married me.
Ryechuu / Reddit.com
5. It has a mind of its own.
I couldn't figure out why it's so common for men to pee on the seat and the floor around the seat. Is it that hard to aim?? Like, how the fuck is this such a Thing? Then I had a son and potty trained him. I remember the moment it clicked. He pointed it one way and the pee went a TOTALLY different direction. It defied logic.
GAF78 / Reddit.com
6. I think the manager needs to see a doctor immediately.
my wife's manager (single male, 56+) made a comment 3 years ago that if you get PMS cramps and blood during period, you should see a doctor immediately. the entire office still made fun of him till this day.
seimungbing / Reddit.com
7. Ewww you're not pregnant? Yuck.
A friend in high school never paid any attention in sex ed. He was 18 years old when his girlfriend told him her period was late. He thought it was weird. A few days later she told him "it's ok, I got my period" he said "ewww" and went on his merry way. Told a couple of chick friends how his girlfriend was acting strange. We had to explain the entire process of conception to him. He was absolutely facinated so we went all out with vagina diagrams, pregnancy, birth, periods. He would ask questions about it all day for months.
team-ram_rod / Reddit.com
8. Get rid of that annoying sack.
Good friend of mine had testicular cancer. Recently another friend made a comment that his wife must be so happy to not have to deal with balls anymore because "they just hang there" and it must be so much nicer looking. She thought that the entire ball sack was removed and he was just left with a penis.
CallMeHammy / Reddit.com
9. Do not pull the string.
That the tampon string just hangs out there, making a girl look like a party popper
A_Stain_on_the_Rug / Reddit.com
10. This woman should know this by now.
A girl I know that I used to fool around with has a 5 year old son now (not mine).
We were talking one day and I don't know why it got brought up but she called him a little pervert, and that all guys are perverts. I ask why, and she explains that we constantly think about sex at night because we wake up in the morning with erections.
She called her five year old son a pervert for having morning wood.
I had to explain to her that it's something we literally can't control. Doesn't matter what we are dreaming about, there's like a 99.9999% chance we are gonna wake up with a rager.
She still didn't believe me.
thepilotboy / Reddit.com
11. Ugh now I gotta deal with this GOOP shit.
Being a young kid, I used to hump my bed to get off. It's because I had Cinemax in my room, and my parents didn't know. So I got to watch passion cove all the time. I figured hey, he's doing this to that pretty lady. I can just imagine she's under me too. Now obviously I was shooting blanks and for the longest time I thought this is always how it would be. Well was I in for a surprise the first time I ejaculated. I was so mad that I had a mess to clean up now. I missed the days of rattling them off with nothing to worry about.
jeffrich24 / Reddit.com
12. Two Fluids, One Hole
In my mid-30s...just found out that penises don't have two holes. I thought there would be two different, you know, pipes for the two different fluids.
Ice31 / Reddit.com
13. Ahhh yes, I will never forget June 14, 2011. The one and only period.
I thought periods were a one and done type thing, not a monthly ordeal. It made me wonder if my teacher was crazy sentimental when she said her daughters mark it on their family calendar