You may as well call yourself Charlie 'cause you just won a golden ticket to the chocolate factory.

Except the chocolate factory is more like a bunch of really good tweets that'll give you a little bit of sweet joy in your otherwise sour life. It's basically like candy but without the cavities or enslavement of Oompa Loompas or that chubby kid drowning in a river of liquid chocolate.  


1. Such beauty, such grace. 

2. WARNING: falling rocks that are a metaphor for your inability to handle your own emotions ahead. 

3. Grandma is rolling in her casket. 

4. Hey, not many people can say they're the Usain Bolt of anything!

5. Looks like someone scored!

6. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE HIDING!

7. "How to poop out master's shoe string" 

8. Do you need some water to shut the fuck up or what?

9. Bukkake in b flat. 

10. I want it all or I want NOTHING.

11. Wow, this water is spicy!

12. Goddammit rookie, you're good.