1. I'm just a duckin' loser.
I will never be as successful as this small duck pic.twitter.com/T8XwbSr4nZ-- Amy Schwartz (@lizardschwartz) August 4, 2018
2. Future dream life: "I wish I had a hammock and literally nothing else."
kid dream life: I'm gonna be a famous artist and I'm gonna invent new pokemon and I'm going to travel around the world but live in japan and also I have a pet wolf-- Rae Geiger 💀🌈✨ (@gullshriek) August 7, 2018
present day dream life: i wish i had a small garden and that nobody talked to me ever
3. So THAT'S why clams are so happy...
FRIEND: hey how are you?-- Rads (@FeelingEuphoric) August 5, 2018
ME: I'm as happy as a clam
CLAM: *being cracked in half to make some mermaid's bra* fukkkk yeeeeaaaahhhhhh BOOBS
4. Ray J's hat does not follow the laws of physics, and I respect that.
ARE WE GOING TO IGNORE THE FACT THAT RAY J's HAT MOVED LIKED 2,000 TIMES IN LIKE 10 SECONDS!!!! 😂😂🤣 pic.twitter.com/IcoAPmAv2q-- Rawri (@Rawshaud) August 7, 2018
5. Repressing everything and ignoring all of your problems is a LOT easier for me right now, soooo...
therapy-- jaboukie young-white (@jaboukie) August 6, 2018
- months to years of hard work
- emotionally draining
"it be like that sometimes"
- immediately super effective
- emotionally healing
6. Honestly I would do anything for a 1 in 20 chance at doing anything that mattered.
D&D allows players to live out crazy fantasies like-- Memes be Dreams (@whimsicaldumpin) August 5, 2018
a) rewards that correlate with risks and effort
b) actions that feel like they matter in the grand scheme
c) upward mobility
7. This sounds like my exact idea of Hell, and I like both of these shows.
You can just get a divorce. pic.twitter.com/YjbAq30cXB-- Evan DeSimone (@Smorgasboredom) August 4, 2018
8. A smart ghost would exclusively haunt a Taco Bell
ghost: ooooooo i'm here to haunt your library-- Andy🤔 (@wawoodworth) August 6, 2018
librarian: good, we could use another on this committee
ghost: wait what
librarian: here's an agenda
ghost: but i
librarian: we meet every tuesday at 2
librarian: can you bring snacks? btw robin is vegan
9. I know I shouldn't WANT to eat it, but....well, here we are.
why he look like a hot fudge sundae pic.twitter.com/vUQzQX7pnr-- alcoholic shitpost bot (@cranberries) August 5, 2018
10. "Spit in this hole" - Luigi
What the fuck is happening in Mario Golf? pic.twitter.com/4OF2NX8mHF-- David Barker (@david_s_barker) August 6, 2018
11. I'm sorry but I refuse to pay $20 to get drunk at a wedding.
[wedding]-- Dallas Ann (@miss_knierman) August 4, 2018
"Anyone know why these two should not be joined in marriage?"
Me: (from the back) THEY'RE DOING A CASH BAR!!
*priest drops bible*
12. I'm glad I'm not named Luke, because I would have thought the exact same thing.
My friend Luke didn't realise until he was an adult that lukewarm was a real temperature, he thought it was just a term his mum used to describe his bath water.-- Adam Melia (@Adam__Melia) August 5, 2018
13. I don't know what's going on in this video and I don't want to know.
When you are 9 levels of skill higher than your opponent pic.twitter.com/JagSTsRRpg-- Oregon I.T. not IT ⚾ (@OregonJOBS2) August 5, 2018