If you're feelin' a bit frisky, then you've come to the right place, my horny little toad. These tweets will definitely tantalize your inner kink, whatever that may be, and get you feelin' good midday at work (the perfect time to be aroused).
So grab your lube 'cause we're about to tickle your funny boner.
1. You filthy little water whore.
u ever drink water rlly intensely n it's dripping down ur chin n shit but ur lettin it and in that moment u really and truly are a dirty slut for water-- bad lil kitty (@Karalela) July 12, 2018
2. Yes, rub the cliborus.
Boy do I love sex. Really love putting my penis into some *looks at smudged writing on hand* verguba-- Online Participant (@SortaBad) August 5, 2014
3. Boy do I love BBQ.
Sex is like pizza, if you're going to use bbq sauce you better know what the fuck you're doing-- Mike Ginn (@shutupmikeginn) December 26, 2013
4. Let's role play, I'm you now.
Pulling hair during sex is old. Take her wig off & put it on your head-- Giselle 🥀 (@SGiselle_) July 13, 2017
5. Someone's a naughty little cursed doll.
day 782 without sex: whoever has my voodoo doll please finger it-- days without sex (@dayswithouts3x) July 17, 2018
6. Faster, we're doing something illegal!
[During Sex]-- CRYSTAL KAY (@PLATINUM2000) January 25, 2016
"Hurry up, this isn't really my house."
7. Tell my wife and kids...nice.
[gets exhausted after having sex for five minutes] "Go on without me"-- Noodles (@Dawn_M_) July 25, 2015
*in the middle of sex-- Jersey (@SatansTongue) February 5, 2014
*sits in a chair and sips coffee*
*opens poetry book*
Two roads diverged in a wood and I-
9. Gotta go fast.
[trying not to think about Sonic The Hedgehog during sex]-- Cool Eric (@OBiiieeee) October 23, 2014
Her: faster! faster!
Me: oh god no
10. "Is everything okay? You look scandalized."
I don't think you should fake orgasm. But if you do, a pretty convincing face is "scandalized by the price of a $17 wedge of cheese."-- Julieanne Smolinski (@BoobsRadley) October 16, 2013
11. Oh yeah, love that high angle.
*during sex* just close your eyes and imagine the way I look on Instagram-- Dani Fernandez (@msdanifernandez) April 29, 2015
12. And this is why you should stick your dick in a pack of bacon.
A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. So would mine, probably, if I was having sex with something made out of bacon.-- Periwinkle Jones (@peachesanscream) June 23, 2014