When you're hiring people, you see some WEIRD stuff on résumés - after all, these are documents where you're trying to show your accomplishments and qualifications, so people are bound to include lies, exaggerations, and random stuff they think will help their chances. But also, people are very stupid, so they'll include stuff that will ABSOLUTELY NOT HELP THEM AT ALL. Basically, it's a total crapshoot of what you'll find when trying to hire someone - here's a small selection of the craziest stories from this r/askreddit thread on the topic:

1. To be fair, at least that means he's familiar with the layout (from JamiesLocks)

Had a guy apply to work the cash register at a store I managed. He had no work history but was like 35-40 years old. I saw he put down that he had a felony armed robbery on his record and had been in prison for most of his adult life.

I was managing the store he once held up.

2. "Able to breathe oxygen" (from ithran_dishon)

I had an applicant list super basic "I am able to exist in society" skills on a resume. Including

  • Able to work in warm or cool temperatures
  • Able to take an early or late lunch
  • Proficient in English (this was in a 99% english speaking area)
  • Able to hold bladder for extended periods.
  • Able to operate computer and telephone.

3. "I promise I am clean, but seriously no tests. If you think you smell pot it's actually just a skunk that sprayed me that day." (from cjkawng)

My manager was laughing uncontrollably one day. I asked him what was up and he just held up a resume, unable to speak through the laughter. First comment on the resume said "please do not drug test me"

4. He's very good at French horn, therefore he should know his way around tort law (from whiskeyandbuttstuff)

Had a guy apply for a clerkship at our law firm and his resume spent an inordinate amount of space focusing on his accomplishments with his high school marching band...

5. Gotta respect the honesty (from FAHRENHEIT_311)

A full paragraph why they got fired from their last job.

Guy had retail experience in an adult store, and put "Assisted in ordering pornographic material based on customer input"- ended up getting the job (not because of that)

6. Probably should run a spellcheck on your resume (from appdump)

Application at a restaurant I managed years ago

Prior experience: "school cook" Reason for leaving: "the passioned lefted"

7. Hey, fake it til you make it. (from suicidalsilkworm)

Underwater ceramics and glass cleaner for a multi-million dollar company meant dishwasher at chili's

8. Honestly, it takes a lot of coordination and management skills to lead a guild (from HotLeafJuice1)

back around 2009-10, i got a resume that listed "WoW Guild Leader" with several bullet points listing his leadership/teamwork skills (similarly to how you'd list a past employer)

9. It's being both honest AND complimentary! (from prailock)

College driving job where you technically report to the campus police. There's a section in the application that says you can write down any questions you have so we can make sure to address them in the interview.

Applicant's question: Does Officer [name] still work there? She arrested me for pot last semester but she fine as hell.

Weirdly, didn't bother with the interview.

10. Well played. (from MrKnoble)

I took an interview where the candidate had written juggling as one of his skills.

Co-worker: So I see you have written that juggling is a skill of yours

Candidate: Ahh yes, are you fan

Co-worker: Well, it depends, how many balls can you handle at once

Candidate: I can do 2 with 100% accuracy and I'm getting better with more

Co-worker: If I throw my balls into the mix would you be able to handle it?

Candidate: Well that depends on the size of your balls

We hired him.