1. At least that MFA costs a lot less
in my tinder bio i mention that i have an MFA and i'm pic.twitter.com/nrPYK4A4IP-- Meredith Jeffers (@MeredithJeffers) August 8, 2018
2. "You'rs fres now"
Genie: You have two wishes left-- wilson (@arnpriesterw) August 7, 2018
Me: I wish the letter G was the letter P instead
Penie: And your final wish?
Me: I wish that every E at the end of a word was an S instead
3. This is art that speaks to us all
i cant sleep soooo... pic.twitter.com/hN6yXi1j5i-- nate (@refinedacne) August 8, 2018
4. Futurama actually didn't go far ENOUGH
ME (WATCHING FUTURAMA IN 2007): a corporate-owned suicide booth? surely the future cannot be that bleak-- KT NELSON (@KrangTNelson) August 9, 2018
ME (WATCHING FUTURAMA NOW): no I get it
5. You only have to kiss the boss's ass every single day for the rest of your life, that's all.
[evolution of a work email]-- Das Skoogeth (@Skoogeth) August 7, 2018
FUCK YOU I SPECIFICALLY SAID-
If you had taken the time to actually read wha-
Apologies, I will be more clear next time :)
6. Remember "books"? Me neither.
The last ten years or something pic.twitter.com/FiFZxSoKxr-- Pat (@pat_gardner) August 6, 2018
7. "Time to go to that Billy Joel concert."
white ppl love to use the bathroom before leaving a restaurant and come out shaking their hands dry saying "ready to rock and roll??"-- 27_male_nyc (@25_male_nyc) August 7, 2018
8. Sometimes people can completely destroy you without ACTUALLY insulting you even once. Impressive.
How is your love life going? pic.twitter.com/rGJ8cRAYwR-- Adele (@adelexxxxxx) August 6, 2018
9. "I'm le tired..."
i hate french girl aesthetics. every photo is some skinny girl with perfect skin and messy hair pretending shes having the time of her life in a coffee shop. wah look at me, life is so breezy and fun. shut the fuck up. ive been in a coffee shop it's ok at most-- goth spinster (@wowprettylady) August 6, 2018
10. Dennis Rodman is going to have the same reputation as Freud in 200 years.
Absolutely nuts that Freud did a bunch of coke and said "all dudes crank it to their moms" and everyone was like "this man is really on to something"-- particle dan (@Standard_Tweets) August 6, 2018
11. This is absolutely correct.
every British TV show is named Chumbley Place, is about a little old lady who solves murders, has a budget of $72, has aired nine episodes, and has been on the air since world war ii-- Tom Pike 🌹 (@StoryTom) August 9, 2018
12. LIKE & SUBSCRIBE! LIKE & SUBSCRIBE!
If Movies Ended Like YouTube Videos pic.twitter.com/Nh5WaBwMc1-- Ryan George (@theryangeorge) August 6, 2018