By: Nick Nieuwenhuis

There are times in men’s lives and women’s life where somebody will come along and piss them off.This could be as minor as them stealing the last slice of pizza from the fridge or sneaking in your house every time you sleep and making woopie with your mom.Either way the one fact remains: it pissed you off.

Now there are many ways with dealing with this, you could A) be a pussy, let it keep happening until you die of starvation or you have so many new mixed brothers and sisters that you end up killing yourself, or you could B) get revenge.

If you chose A, then refer to figure 1.1for the ultimate solution on how not to deal with this problem.If you are a man, and want to get the ultimate revenge refer to figure 2.2.

Great!You decided to Ass Punch someone.But do you hate somebody so much that you really want to lay the hurt on them?Do you hate somebody so much that you’d be willing to throw a punch right into the glut of a living breathing human being?Do you hate somebody so much that you’d go as far as to smash your fist against somebody elses ass so hard that they may not be able to reproduce ever?If that’s the case, then you’ve come to the right place, but before I spill the secrets to deliver one hellova ass puch, you must first understand the history……(wind blows)…..

Ok, so this one morning after a hard night partying, I had awoken to the raging hard-on Bonner, in the medical field.But I digress.Now its one thing to have morning wood, after you wake up, but this WOKE me up.This was like a goddamn alarm clock.I tried to tip to my side, and I went only a quarter way because this was like a kickstand for a Harley.Anyway, I rolled over to my other side, and there was my girlfriend.Now me being like any other red blooded American man, I tried to put some smoove moves on my ladyfriend.Well let me tell you, she was not having any of that.I did everything, nibble the ears, backrub, kiss the neck….nothing.Well then I decided to wisper the sweetest nothing into her ear….. “I wanna ass punch you”.The words alone wouldn’t have put her in the mood, but I think it was my sexy southern accent that really did her in.She was so in shock about how soothing yet filled with desire those words were, she got up and stormed out of the room.Needless to say I ended up sucking my own dick by the end of the morning, but just knowing that I turned her on so much that she had to leave the room with excitement…..just turned me on that much more…

(wind blows)

Now I know what your thinking, “How do I Asspunch?”.Well I’ll tell you…..

  1. Find an Ass of an evil dooer.
  2. Wind up
  3. Let loose hell on the ass. (Figure 3.3)
  4. Break off arm for extra effect. (Figure 4.4)

Final Notes:

Remember anybody can Ass Punch, but it takes a real man, or a super angry bitch to pull off this elusive maneuver.And remember practice safe ass punching and always wear a glove.