It's Spring Break! For those of you who didn't work enough hours at a fast food joint in your student center or didn't cry hard enough to Daddy and therefore couldn't afford a balls-out tropical Spring Break, no worries! I'm Alison Becker, your official CollegeHumor Spring Break '07 Correspondent. I'm here in Cancun, Mexico Party Capital of the World all week, and I'll give you everything you need except the sunburn and the STDs to feel like you were actually there!
So, unless I get alcohol poisoning (fingers crossed!) or date raped (I can only dream!), I'll update you each day on what's going on.
Spring Breakers, unite! As you can see from the photo, we have already lost one of our own, and it's only the first day! Can we get a motha fucking moment of silence up in here? This chick has, as of this moment, been passed out for 8 hours and counting in this EXACT position. She has not moved as much as a sand-covered toe, or a cum-stained strand of hair. Her friends are nowhere to be seen, and she is clutching an empty styrofoam cup with her lifeless hand. Remixed 90s techno beats blast onto the beach, yet they do not wake her from her slumber.
We can only assume that she:
a) has been passed out since Spring Break '06 (look at that tan!),
b) isn't a person at all, but a really, really detailed sand sculpture,
c) is the dead body of that chick from Aruba that somehow washed up on the beach of Cancun. (Too soon?)If she is still there tomorrow, I will let you know.
I arrived this morning, and I was told that yesterday I missed out on 2 girls going down on each other in a wet t-shirt contest and a mom flashing her tits. But, I can smell liquor and sex thick in the air, so I have no doubt in my mind that instances like this will reoccur in the coming days. And, when they do, you can bet I'll be there to fill you in.
I think I've already got Cancun down. If I had to pick one word to sum up Cancun, it would be: Classy. But, if I had to pick 16 words, they would be: Sitting by the Pool and Showing Off My Shitty Tribal Art Arm Band Tattoo Is Awesome.