"Say, Brutus, what's that behind your back?" – Julius Caesar

"Let's make the guillotine a bit rustier, so it takes a couple more whacks to kill 'em. How could that possibly backfire?" – King Louis XVI

"My scalp itches. I wish I had something to take care of that." – General George Custer

"Ahh, I'm just messin' with you guys." – Jesus Christ

"For the last time, we're not lost! Now stop bitching and help me build this sand castle." – Moses

"I'm so proud of being elected President. I'm going to remember this day for the rest of my life." – Ronald Reagan