Greetings again from Cancun!
The weather is hot, the skirts are short, and the drinks promote equal parts inebriation and diarrhea!
I’m your official CollegeHumor Spring Break ’07 Correspondent! This is my second day on the Peninsula of Paradise, and I have already learned an important lesson: College admissions boards exist for a reason. They weed out the weak, the stupid, and the undynamic. Those of us who are lucky enough to have made it through the obstacle course of college applications and are now of the university ilk have worked hard to earn our stripes. We are winners. We are leaders. We are people who can absorb knowledge and apply it. We compute, analyze, and summarize for nine long months each year. And, because of this, we deserve one week to let loose.
But, in that week, we cannot abandon the endless knowledge we have obtained throughout the year. We are intelligent people, and no amount of margaritas and beer bong hits is going to make us stupid, right?
We cannot ignore the lessons we have learned and the skills we have acquired. This became quite apparent to me today when I witnessed one spring breaker applying one such skill: multitasking.
Why, for example, would you waste time separately laying out, drinking, talking to your pal, and fingering a girl, when you could do all of these things at once?
I caught this fine, young co-ed on the beach in front of a classy Spring Break resort. He was alternately sipping his beverage and fingering this girl under the hotel towel. Outstanding multi-taking! This was impressive enough for me. However, he outdid himself when every few minutes, his friend laying next to him would sit up, and the Fingerer would have a friendly chat with him. And, amidst the chatting and the sipping, the Fingerer did not stop his mission. He kept right on digit-banging that slut with determination, dedication, and precision. I wish I had the chance to find out where he went to school because I would have submitted this photo to his business affairs professor. Surely, this fine example of multitasking would have earned him honors!
Cancun is outdoing itself with sightings like this, and I will keep you all updated on them.
Tonight is my birthday, so we are sure to find some new adventures. Wet t-shirt contest? Foam parties? Who knows?
But, before I leave you, allow me to share with you my favorite Spring Break saying of all time, that I overheard this week:
“What Happens In Cancun….Stays in Your Pussy.”
See you tomorrow, guys!