Happy Friday, everybody! And by everybody, I mean everybody lame enough to be sitting in their hotel lobby checking CollegeHumor during Spring Break. What are you DOING? You don’t need tips this week, every girl in Cancun is looking to do something they will regret almost immediately. So go find the one with the brand new butterfly tattoo on her forehead and enjoy.

For the rest of you, here are some updates from Hollywood this weekend that are ALMOST as fun as going on Spring Break.

For instance, Britney Spears! Apparently this week she wrote 666 on her head, ran around her rehab center yelling “I am the Antichrist,” and then tried to commit suicide. Does anyone else feel like they are living in a completely different universe here? Next week we’re going to find out that Paris Hilton is a virgin and Elton John is straight. (Source: Egotastic)

Also in the news this week, Tom Brady has superhuman sperm. First we learn that he got ex girlfriend Bridget Moynahan pregnant, and now there are rumors that Giselle Bunchen, his new girlfriend, is pregnant as well. He also got some random chick pregnant just by looking at her, and after practice last week Tedy Bruschi is pregnant too. (Source: WWTDD)

This week, Paris Hilton was grocery shopping and rammed an elderly lady for accidentally blocking the aisle with her cart. Is Paris fucking kidding me? What’s next, punching a toddler in the face for taking too long to spell “dog”? (Source: IDLYITW)

In this week’s issue of Parade, Scarlett Johansson told the magazine that “[she] thinks [she] looks like a young boy.” Sure, Scarlett. With the body of an 80 year old quadriplegic. (Source: Just Jared)

Also big in Hollywood this week is the story of Antonella Barba, an ex-American Idol contestant who became famous after a ton of slutty pictures of her were released on the internet. My personal favorite series, and soon to be yours, features her frolicking around in the National World War II Memorial. Because nothing says ‘American Idol’ like taking half-naked pictures in a war memorial. (Source: IDLYITW)

This week’s photo of the week: Carmen Electra ‘donates’ some money to a homeless person. Oh wait, jay kay, there’s NOTHING IN HER HAND. In ANY of the photos. What a douche.

(Source: WWTDD)

And photo of the week, part two: Here's Josh Duhamel picking Fergie's wedgie! Awesome!

(Source: Egotastic)