Hey fellow drunks!

I’m your official CollegeHumor Spring Break ’07 Correspondent, reporting live from Cancun, Mexico.

Last night there was a “kinky party” at the infamous Senor Frogs. Yes, that’s the high-class joint with the slide that catapults f*cktards into the water. Now, I would assume that a “kinky party” means girls dressed in lingerie, but since lingerie would be considered “conservative” dressing on Cancun Spring Break, I wouldn’t know what to expect. Turns out the theme of the night applied more to the myriad activities planned by the establishment. The best one came when the Senor Frogs social activities committee coerced a handful of anti-sober vagina owners and the same amount of anti-sober penis owners to get up onstage.

Now, keep in mind that once a Spring Breaker crosses the threshold from “offstage” to “onstage,” a whole new world of possibilities opens up. There are no limitations, no boyfriends, no girlfriends, no feelings, no shame, no shyness, and certainly no morals. Nipples and thongs appear, tongues play tonsil tennis, and lesbianism is a hobby suddenly practiced by every homophobic sorority girl.

The Wet T-Shirt Contest is, of course, the classic- if not clich