Your head is pounding. Your skin in sunburnt. Your shoes are filled with sand. Your hair hasn’t been washed in 5 days except by the ocean. Your face is still buried between a fantastic set of tits. Well, pull it out and come up for some air. You may be on SPRING BREAK, but it’s Lost time, baby!

So, find the only television that exists in the city of Negril, kick the Jamaican drug lords out of the room (don’t worry; they’ll understand), and negotiate those rabbit ears until your favorite islanders make an appearance on the screen.

Here’s what went down this week, in a nutshell (an Oceanic Airlines peanut-shell, that is):

Sun and Jin help Claire try to catch a seagull to tag it with a rescue note. Desmond prevents Charlie from helping because of another vision. An Aussie-filled flashback reveals that Claire’s mom is in a vegetative state because of a car accident they were in together. Also, Jack’s dad is Claire’s dad (duh). Locke, Sayid, Kate and Frenchy come upon a security fence. Locke tosses Mr. Eye Patch into the force field, killing him. They climb over the fence and get to the Dharma village and see Jack playing football like he’s in an Old Spice ad.

Here’s what we learn:

1. Hollywood already found the 3 Australians who can act: Watts, Kidman, and Gibson. The Aussies in this episode were horrendous. The doctor? The cop? The aunt? It was like a bad grade school play. At least Claire quit her whining and had a decent crying scene, maybe her best thus far. But, where did they find the rest of these people? Outback Steakhouse?
2. Rumblings of The List are back. We know it’s a list of people. We now know that Kate, Sayid, and Locke (I think) are not on it because they are “flawed.” We know that there is a “great man” that eye patch is speaking of. Is this Hanso, or is it the elusive Jacob? Thoughts?
3. ABC may have lost (pun intended) its flair for story, plot, and structure, but they still have a knack for great episode endings. Jack running toward Kate like he’s escaping, and then catching a football! I was totally faked out. I even had my hands up to my mouth, in a moment of shock. Seriously.
4. If you are flying down to Spring Break, and when you’re on the plane, you look around and wonder who you’ll be friends with when the plane crashes on an island, maybe you watch too much tv.
5. Those of us who are (or were) on Team Locke are getting worried. I thought for sure he was our fucking rock. But, is he really just Mr. CrazyTown? Why did you steal a block of C-4, John? Why??? Next week is your week. Please give us a reason to love you. We need one.