We open with footage of last night's show, which prominently features Ryan and Simon's "You're gay!" "No, you are!" slap-and-giggle fest, and which paints basically everyone except Jordin and LaKisha as being essentially not great, with the obvious exception of Melinda, who is, of course, so awesome that she makes Paula cry tears of vicarious joy.
After that, we get to sit through all 12 contestants singing a mess of a tribute to The All Powerful Diana Ross, which was remarkable only because it made Butterface seem like the weakest singer ever. Poor Butterface.
Seacrest gets to eliminations surprisingly quickly, and before a commercial break rife with anxiety, we learn that Phil and B.Rog comprise 2/3 of the Bottom 3. After the break (during which aired a Ford commercial starring the Idolers singing a particularly boring cover of "Float On", which I just barely missed fast-forwarding all the way through), Diana Ross appears on stage in all her big-haired, red-feathered glory, and I fast-forwarded through that, too, because frankly Diana Ross doesn't impress me that much anymore. What is she, like 75 now? She's officially a senior citizen. It's not like she's too young to get Social Security. Why doesn't she just retire already?