We open with footage of last night's show, which prominently features Ryan and Simon's "You're gay!" "No, you are!" slap-and-giggle fest, and which paints basically everyone except Jordin and LaKisha as being essentially not great, with the obvious exception of Melinda, who is, of course, so awesome that she makes Paula cry tears of vicarious joy.

After that, we get to sit through all 12 contestants singing a mess of a tribute to The All Powerful Diana Ross, which was remarkable only because it made Butterface seem like the weakest singer ever. Poor Butterface.

Seacrest gets to eliminations surprisingly quickly, and before a commercial break rife with anxiety, we learn that Phil and B.Rog comprise 2/3 of the Bottom 3. After the break (during which aired a Ford commercial starring the Idolers singing a particularly boring cover of "Float On", which I just barely missed fast-forwarding all the way through), Diana Ross appears on stage in all her big-haired, red-feathered glory, and I fast-forwarded through that, too, because frankly Diana Ross doesn't impress me that much anymore. What is she, like 75 now? She's officially a senior citizen. It's not like she's too young to get Social Security. Why doesn't she just retire already?

Seacrest, who looks especially cute tonight in his little purple tie, asks her who she thinks is going home, which is kind of unfair considering the "I'm BFFs with everyone, especially children" image she's trying to pull off. She gets a look on her face like "Haha, I'm so happy that I look so good in this slinky red dress! I haven't been paying attention to you proletariats!" and manages to joke that she will be going home. Reality TV is not about diplomacy, Ms. Ross. Choose sides already.

It's down to Sanjaya and Butterface to fill out the Bottom 3, and I think that Haley's stoic reception of criticism last night, paired with Sanjaya's new stupid hairstyle, really saved her cute little ass. After very little fanfare, Seacrest reveals that Phil and his alien head are safe, and that Sanjaya, despite his utter, unadulterated sucktitude, will be around for at least another week. This obviously leaves the consistently mediocre B.Rog alone in the Loser Club, and the my DVR cut out towards the end of his Sadness Montage, so I have no idea how he really took the news or how his Get The Hell Out Of Here Performance went off. I'm just going to assume that it was boring and a little bit bad, as usual.

I wanted Sanjaya to go, but this is almost better, because neither of them really deserved to be on the show anymore, and at least Sanjaya is entertainingly crappy.