DICK – an informal and often vulgar term for the central male reproductive organ
Steven's dick had spots on it, for he was a Spotted Man.

In the beginning, human reproduction was a relatively complicated procedure involving whistles and handshakes and often took as long as ten months. The genitalia that males currently had to work with was a small, fork-like appendage used mainly for holding olives which females were or were not allowed to consume depending on whimsy. Thus, the population at this point in history was only about seventy thousand strong.

All of this changed in the year 35,000 B.T. when the first man with genitals resembling those of modern man was born. He was a vile, unpleasant fiend with a gaping suckerhole of a mouth and a shock of frizzy red hair running from his ears to his arse. His name was Richard, but for reasons known only to him he referred to himself – and his member – as "Dick."

The forerunning males were effortlessly cast aside as Dick swiftly and violently became the progenitor of our species as it exists today. All of us, including myself, are the direct descendents of the first dick or Dick Prime. "Dick" is actually the proper term for the male sex organ, as it was in antiquity. The usage was changed in the fifteenth century when the first biology textbook was published by James Penis.


WATERSPORTS – the sexual practice of urinating on one's partner and/or having one's partner urinate on oneself (also called "golden shower" or "disgusting")
Longstanding married couple Peter and Gertrude Smith-Braun discovered the joys of watersports as they grew old together and developed mutual incontinence.

The Olympic games have existed in one form or another for thousands of years. Since their revival in the mid-nineteenth century, the games have been in a constant state of flux. In recent years, we have seen the time between games change from four years to two; the recognition of Canada as a place; and the inclusion of such new events as snowboarding, speed knitting, and dwarf-eating. Little is said, however, about the events that we have lost over the years.

The 1890's saw the heyday of a series of urine-themed events and indeed of the breed of man who participated in them. There was distance pissing, urine-gulping, and precision urination in snow. In addition, the triathlon at one point consisted of riding a bicycle, strangling a goose, and then pissing one's pants. Remarkably, there developed sects of athletes who chose to participate in these events exclusively. These titans of micturition spent weeks isolating their pubococcygeus muscles and drinking ever larger quantities of water mixed with sand to expand the bladder and urethra. They lived, breathed, drank, and urinated urination. They formed their own unique lifestyle which they called l'