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"Haley, There's no easy way to tell you this. You were an accident."
"You told me I was adopted."
"It was a very big accident."
Text Messages from Famous Historical Figures
1 if by L&, 2 if by C
-Paul Revere

:-(
-Sylvia Plath

-Kiernan Schmitt
Four out of five men agree: Man #5 is wrong.
ebay feedback for Manhattan, left by the Native Americans
FAST PAYMENT!!!!! Beads are perfect and blankets are very warm!!!! A+++++++++++++++
I think its cruel to boil an entire crab alive just for its claws. That's why I rip them off beforehand and humanely set the crab free.
I love having sex on Daylight Savings. It's the only time I can tell my girlfriend we had sex for an hour and thirty seconds.
This whole French/Freedom thing is a lot of bullshit, if you’ll pardon my freedom.
What not to say to a group of black men wearing short pants: "Haha, look at those stupid knickers!"
-Brillo P.
Guy Who Missed a Flush Draw in Poker And Also Has Mixed Feelings
About Euphemisms:
Can't we call a spade a heart just this once?
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