After weeks of deliberation, the finals of the Disney Hottest Princess Contest are finally here! This tournament has seen ups, downs, surprises, tears, and more. At long last, we've reached the finals, where one of our lucky princesses will be declared the fairest of them all!
Before we get to the voting, let's take a look back at how we got here.
The first match-up pitted Sleeping Beauty against Pocahontas. Perhaps the Native American princess should have had reservations about entering the contest, because she failed to raise any teepees with our readers and lost to Sleeping Beauty without the blond bombshell so much as yawning. The final tally: Sleeping Beauty 78% of the votes to Pocahontas' 22%.
The next match featured Snow White up against Jasmine. Jasmine must have rubbed her magic lamp, because she flew away on a magic carpet ride with 61% of the votes. After the defeat, Snow White bit an apple and was carried away by a small man who identified himself as "Horny, the 8th and final dwarf."
In what many called a stunning upset, Cinderella edged Ariel out by the slimmest margin of the entire contest, pulling away with a victory of 53 to 47 percent. When asked what she attributed the win to, Cinderella answered, "We've all heard the phrase, 'If it smells like fish, make a dish,' but come on! With Ariel, it should be, 'If it smells like year-old cod, it's sure to wilt your rod.'" Better luck next year, Ariel! Perhaps one day they'll introduce an underwater version of Summer's Eve.
Our final match of Round One turned out to be the biggest landslide ever seen outside of California. In what statisticians called a "mathematically impossible" result, Belle from Beauty and the Beast earned 104% of the votes to Mulan's -4%, proving once and for all that Asian chicks stand no chance in beauty contests on Collegehumor.
Round Two kicked off with controversy. Most people expected a close match between Belle and Jasmine, but Belle ended up taking the round easily after an anonymous commenter reminded the Collegehumor audience that Jasmine was Arabic. It's still unclear if this revelation was part of a smear campaign orchestrated by the talking furniture from the Beast's castle. Whether the result was due to anti-Arab sentiment or to Belle's extreme hotness, Jasmine will be spending her Arabian nights knowing she could have done better.
Ina closer match, Sleeping Beauty edged out Cinderella by a narrow margin of 58 to 42 percent, thus endingthis tournament's Cinderella story.Sleeping Beauty's win also proved that evena girl with the worst morning breath in the history of mankind can still win with a greatpair of tits.
So now we've reached the finals,and once again, the decision is in your hands! Who will the winner be? Will it be Belle, who likes it so rough she married a beast, or Sleeping Beauty, whose propensity for dozing off will save you countless dollars on Ruffies? Remember, the winning princess gains her release from the Disney vault, where she can live a life of freedom and prosperity without being forced to appear in crappy sequels or Disney on Ice horror shows. Here's a last look at our two finalists:
What are you waiting for? Vote already!
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