Welcome to College

Clink plink go the bottles and cans of alcohol

Bang bang hear the RA’s running down the hall

Hurry hurry so we don’t get written up again

Oops Joe forgot to throw away the beer can

Welcome to College

Scribble scribble goes the pen in the RA’s hand

The students in the room plead and demand

Please please just give us a warning

So we don’t have to call our parents in the morning

Welcome to College

Joanna and Kim hate their new roommate

She leaves her things all over the place

The entire room is completely trashed

And clearly, clearly, stinks of ass

Welcome to College

Buzz buzz goes the alarm

Sue kisses her good luck charm

She has a test today that she never studied

Because she was too busy hooking up with her ahem buddy

Welcome to College

Derek is checking his Facebook and Myspace

Had pictures on there from a party at his place

The next day the coach told him he was busted

Because a rumor was told by a teammate he trusted

Welcome to College

Matt went sledding down Rally Hill

And hours later ran up a hospital bill

He went so fast he landed in the Massasoit

They pulled him out, injured, and smelling like a toilet

Welcome to College

She hears this noise for what seems like hours and hours

Someone has been forever in the shower

Sticking out of the curtain was a hairy leg

She pulls it back, and finds her boyfriend…and Meg

Welcome to College

Getting my books again at the bookstore

This place is like a cheap whore

Always taking my money

And leaving me dirt poor

Welcome to College

Jen has been on the Wall of Fame

But very well known to take the walk of shame

You can hear the sounds right through the door

And see the condoms all over the floor

Welcome to College

I’m going to do laundry again

I’m almost done and I look over when

I see suds and water pour out of a washer

For the love of God, please call your mother!

Welcome to College

Going to get food in the cafeteria

Man, this soup looks like diarrhea

Ugh, I can’t take another bite

Hey look over there, its FOOD FIGHT!

Welcome to College

Jeff is taking Sex Education

His project is on masturbation

While he was in the middle of his presentation

Suddenly, he felt a weird sensation

Welcome to College

I hope you all enjoyed my poem

Whether you laughed out loud or alone

Stop skipping class and get your education

And I hope to see you all at graduation.