Happy Friday, everybody! Week two of our Guest Editors bring us PhilipG from NinjaDude.com. Now you two run along, and play nice, ya hear?

Welcome to Friday folks, my name is PhilipG and I run NinjaDude.com…come with me as I deliver the weekly celebrity dirt.

At the top of our list is definitely Britney Spears leaving Promises rehab center 8 days before the normal 30-day requirement for a "successful stint" in rehab. It seems her rehab visit brought near closure to the battle with K-Fed over the custody of their kids, plus his monetary compensation. If you heard that he's getting some ridiculous amount of cash, think again – he'll barely clear a couple million after their Malibu mansion sells. Tough luck, dog!
(source: Derek Hail, Hollywood OTB)

Next up is for the ladies reading, if I haven't already scared you away. Your favorite piece of man meat Jesse Metcalf (Desperate Housewives) has entered himself into rehab, for what he calls "demons," which means he drinks wrecklessly to numb whatever pain he seems to be experiencing. I'm sure it's hard livin' when you have a fat bank account and every beautiful girl in America wants to screw you. Even I don't drink that often, and all I can seem to pull is the chubby neighbor girl. Maybe I should become an alcoholic, just after I go lift a few thousand reps at my local Powerhouse. Yeah, I'll be right on that.
(source: Evil Beet)

Let's talk about Nicole Richie. The professional shower-upper and reality television star was diagnosed with hypoglycemia, which comes at no surprise simply for the fact that she's a confessed alcoholic, druggy, and bulimic all rolled into one psychotic mess. And if that isn't enough, she felt the only part of her body that needed beefing up was her lips, as the collagen injections became ever-so-obvious as Nicole hit the town this week. I'm constantly wondering when this troubled girl will either enter rehab, or pull an Anna Nicole Smith. My fingers are crossed for the latter!
(source: Post Chronicle)

A bit of scandal for you, as the daughter of Demi Moore and Bruce Willis, the very chin-tastic Rumer was the victim of a Facebook picture leak! Actually, we
found her candids from the popular college hangout and they aren't exactly dinner conversation. What we can tell you is that she enjoys the taste of condoms, likes to smoke cigarettes, and enjoys fondling her friends while partying. You don't post those types of photos unless you want people to see them, and Rumer so desperately wants attention that she's been spotted hanging with Paris, Lohan, and even Hayden Panettiere as of late. I'd party with this crowd, but I'm afraid I couldn't afford enough coke for everyone (the liquid kind, duh) so I'm automatically excluded.
(source: ICYDK)

While we're on the subject of partying and Lindsay Lohan, let's take a peek at how she's been spending her week. It's been nothing short of non-stop
action for Lindsay, as she's been in New York City for a reason that's beyond me. Fresh out of rehab, Lohan hasn't been caught drinking too often, but we do know she enjoys something else on occasion. And while it's been so long since she's done anything naughty, a surprise came in the form of her fire crotch while she partied "sober" at Plumm. Believe it or not, but these starlets really do expose themselves on purpose. Maybe the girl felt a bit of shame afterwards, as she was spotted with a bible to apparently aid in her soul searching effort. Does every female go through that, or is it just Lindsay? Let's play it safe and blame her dad for this one.
(source: NinjaDude, Drunken Stepfather)

What roundup wouldn't be complete without the divine goddess herself, Angelina Jolie, accomplishing her philanthropic mission of adopting another child. The couple has just added a Vietnamese boy, 3-year-old Pax Thien who has just barely arrived in the states. The lucky orphan becomes the fourth clan member and third purchased trophy child of Brad Pitt and Angie's eclectic family. The boy is already a golden child — his mug drew over $2 million from magazine publications looking for a photo spread…but don't worry, this money is already marked for charity.
(source: Defamer, Dlisted)

That about does it for our little trip through Hollywood's weekly dirtiest of the dirty, it's now 4:20 and that's all the time I have.

Happy Friday to you all, and I hope you come back next time College Humor lets me molest you. Have fun this weekend, and remember that if you wind
up in bed with Paris Hilton, don't forget to double bag it.

Your friend,