Attention: Stupid, short white kid who wears his MSU basketballteam garb to classwho never plays and whothinks he is cooler than everyone

Dear Stupid kid: I don't know how to put this, but you're not a very big deal, and thats not a pun on your average height. Do not, under any circumstances, misconstrue this fact in any way shape or form. If you do, for instance,you risk making the embarrassingmistake ofwearingyour teampants and jacketthat the athletic department was forced to issue to you.Why couldn't you justrealize thosebasketball dreams that your overzelous father implanted in your head in high schoolwere, putting it nicely, bullshit.

Especially do not wear your whole outfit in a cheap attempt to get some insecure girl to "let" you sit by her. Doing this is easier to see through than your crossover. Anyone who wears that much green has an underpaid job in Santa's sweatshop. Am I good at basketball? No. Are you good at basketball? No. Are you better than me at basketball? Maybe. Are you cooler than me? No. By asking how I know these things, you prove my point about your low level of security. You're probably thinking security? ButI don't have a single turnover this season. Thats because you dont play basketball, which is the only similarity we share.

For future reference, don't act like you're some big shot athlete at a big-ten school who has, and has had, its fair share. You're another face in the crowd that I am not going to recognize unless you wear your Will Ferrel Elf-inspired outfit, sans the shoes, that make you stand out worse than Danny Almonte at the Little League World Series. Oh and if by some miracle of god you see Coach Izzo at practice, say hello. Wait, no don't. He would rather here it from somebody who actually helps pay his salary than from someone'slazy ass whom he has to babysit for a couple hours a week at basketball practice. And one last thing, when none of the girls recognized you at class, next time don't leave. Stay and learn something that might help stay out of the projects of some mid-major city, living off of food stamps.

P.S. Good luck at your next game!!!