Hey guys, I know I might be a little late on this one, but I really want a Nintendo Wii. I've played it a few times and thought the bowling game was kinda cool, but I just looked at everything it can do, and one thing in particular really aroused my interest: it can browse the web.

I mean, seriously, how cool is that? Ever since the cord connecting my laptop to the TV broke I've been looking for a way to do this, but now on my TV I can access all my favorite sites, like Facebook, Google, or Spankwire. Just think of the possibilites!

It will be awesome being able to see things on websites on my big screen TV. Just take for instance CollegeHumor's videos. No more watching racist infants on a tiny computer screen for this guy! Plus, the quality of video will be so much better that I'll be able to see every nook and cranny. Every nook and cranny.

Not a fan of watching videos? Then what better way to view gallery after gallery of tasteful, artsy pictures from, say, Flickr or even BabesKickAss than on an HDTV? Ahh, what I wouldn't give to just sit back, kick off my shoes, and enjoy viewing some pictures on my TV via my Wii for hours on end.

Man, what I wouldn't give to get a Wii. If only I didn't have so many paid subscriptions to websites that I use for, er, reasearch then I could afford the exorbitant prices on eBay or electronics4SnMfreaks.net.

Seriously guys, ok, let me just come clean here: I need a Wii. I need one. My computer is going so slowly that I have to put up my away message for dinner at 2 in the afternoon. With that much of a lag, the only hope of me watching any porn online is going to the library, and last time I had to resort to that I got stage fright and just sat there with my pants at my ankles for a half hour or so.

So I implore you, faithful readers of CollegeHumor (and any number of friends of CH readers who undoubtedly forwarded this to you, just like the rest of my articles): sell me a Wii. At face value. I mean, honestly, if my K-List* internet celebrity status can't bring me a Wii, then I'm in the wrong business. If you or anyone you know is willing to sell me a Wii then please just email me, send me a carrier pigeon, hell you can even use the new CollegeHumor messaging system. I'll even include a handwritten thank you note with a signed picture or something—really whatever you want. Thank you, and God bless.

*: It should be noted that many people who comment on articles/pics/videos are also K-Listers; some, like Cody Arant, are even on the J-List. One day. One day…