The following is an excerpt from CollegeHumor's new book: "Faking It." If you are near New York City come meet the writers of "Faking It" as they hold a book reading/signing at the Barnes & Noble in Astor Place tonight at 7pm! LOL's are guaranteed or your money back! (Note: This is a free book signing.)
You want instant academic cred? Take a paperback book, fold it, and cram it into your back pocket. This literary ass-handkerchief, too big to fit entirely in the pocket, pokes its head out and screams “cool” at the top of its lungs to anybody willing to hear it.
Where to wear it: Only a certain type of lady will notice your intellectual hemorrhoid so it's important you wear it proudly, but only in certain locations. Libraries, coffee shops, and bookstores are your best bet.
How to wear it: You’re going to want to get a used copy, so it looks like you’ve personally worn it down. For extra cool points you should tear off the cover. If anybody asks, say it just “gets in the way.” Also, the book should be soft cover because you’re going to be folding it in half in order to ensure it fits. (Though it was pretty impressive when you sawed that hardcover edition of "Gravity’s Rainbow" and jammed it right in there.)
What book to use: Don’t use "Catcher in the Rye" or any other book you read in high school. Poetry is a pretty solid bet, except then you might be asked to explain it, and unless you have particular insights into Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s sonnets this will be too difficult. Try going into the bargain bin of any local bookstore and look for a famous author but an obscure title (suggestions below). Ever heard of Hemingway’s "Islands in the Stream" or "Faulkner’s Flags in the Dust?" Yeah, neither has your next girlfriend, but she still seems pretty damn impressed.
Special Note: If you’re going to be using the ‘Book-in-Back-Pocket” approach at impressing your literate crush, you’re going to want to switch the book every couple of weeks. It may seem impressive that you’re carrying a copy of Kerouac’s "Dharma Bums," but not when people realize its taken you six months to finish a 250-page novel, although “You try reading with your butt and see how long it takes you!” will be a funny comeback.