Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
CH Video Games Weekly
March 29, 2007
My guest for this week's A Winner Is You! is CollegeHumor writer
. Some of Patrick's most popular articles have been about
games to work
: This week Sega and Nintendo announced Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games. The game will be licensed by the 2008 Summer Olympics in Bejing, and it's coming to the Wii and the DS by the end of the year. This will be the first time the rivals meet in a game. How awesome is this?
: Super awesome. Every other game based on the Olympics has been awful, but this is going to be huge. It's the biggest crossover since Scooby Doo met the Globetrotters. Sonic is the Globetrotters.
: Although, epic crossovers are often underwhelming Freddy vs. Jason, King Kong vs. Godzilla, etc.
: It's hard to explain just how big this is to someone who didn't grow up with video games. It's like if Salinger and Fitzgerald put aside their differences, traveled through time, and wrote a book where Holden fought Gatsby. Except this is going to be better because you don't have to read. I'm so much more excited about this than the actual Olympics. Will it actually be good?
: I must admit, I had low expectations for the Wii controller. Nintendo has really won me over though.
: The Wii's obviously a huge hit, but the last thing it needs is more minigames. It's too bad this isn't something more ambitious. If it goes well perhaps we'll see further collaborations like Sonic in a
, or Luigi in whatever the hell Sonic is up to.
: More importantly, who is going to win?
: Mario's got the advantage in the jumping sports, while Sonic obviously retains the edge in speed. Mario's supporting characters dominate too. Once you get past Knuckles and Tails, Sonic has the worst friends. There's an alligator in sunglasses, and I think a bumblebee with an electric guitar or something.
: Will Donkey Kong appear on Team Mario? Have those two reached a peace accord yet?
: Mario and Donkey Kong can be in the same room, but I wouldn't sit them next to each other at a formal event. Donkey Kong is still mad that Mario fed his baby to alligators.
: I believe Donkey Kong wants Mario out of the West Bank of the Mushroom Kingdom.
: I read Hyrule is outright boycotting the games.
: If you had one hour with the president, what video game would you play with him?
: I'm thinking either
: They require planning, strategy, and the allied support of 2-player mode. Things the president needs to learn.
: He probably needs something simple. Maybe
: Yeah, Kirby's the most overpowered character of all time. It's really no challenge.
: I think he would really enjoy
Dance Dance Revolution
. A lot of people like to hate on the president, but I think if he had some time to practice he could probably get mostly "greats" on the Sandstorm level of
. That's not easy.
: He would start wearing neon green tanktops and drinking Code Red.
: I heard he tried playing
Gears of War
, and a day later he forgot it was a game and ordered a mass invasion of Planet Sera.
: Also known as Niger. Do you think the president would use cheat codes?
: Yeah, he would probably count continues as his turn too which I consider bullshit.
: Who is the worst Mega Man villain?
: Snake Man.
: Snake Man? At least snakes are a tangible threat. Have you seen Bubble Man?
: Bubble Man had a funny name, but he's one of the toughest bosses. My main beef with Snake Man is that he doesn't fit. Most of the other villains are mechanical or electric Spark Man, Top Man, Bright Man Snake Man is just an animal. Although his power was the best to adopt after you beat him.
: They really burned themselves out on the first two or three Mega Mans. They used up Ice Man, Bomb Man, and Fire Man. By the time they got to Mega Man 4 they were like, "Ummm Ring Man? Rings are pretty threatening, right?"
: How about Gemini Man? He was pretty badass, but "gemini" isn't a thing in the same sense as a snake or sparks. Have you ever beaten all the bosses?
: I know I've beaten Mega Man 2 and 3. The others are a little hazier.
: Is Whoopi Goldberg in the center square?
: I'll take Magnet Man for the win. You have to wonder what Dr. Wily was thinking making all these robots. Obviously he could use one that drills through walls or one that controls fire, but what use is Centaur Man or Clown Man?
: I guess we have to assume Dr. Wily is mentally unstable and just builds robots on a whim. Is it ever made explicit that Wily is trying to take over the world, or does he just want to be left alone in his magic robot kingdom?
: It must have taken a great deal of restraint for Capcom to not call Tomahawk Man "Indian Man."
: Or Pharoh Man "Arab Man."
: Or Snake Man "Jew Man."
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