Man: “Hi, there. My name’s Rick. What’s your name?”




Woman: “My name is Fuck Off, Creep.”







Man: “Hey there, honey. My name’s…”




Woman: “Rick. Yeah, I know. I met you here last week. Why haven’t you called?”




Man: “(pause) haha… Sike! I was just messing with you! What’s up, babe? Of course I remember you. I was hoping I’d find you here.”




Woman: “Cut the shit, Rick. I’m late.”













Man: “Hey, baby. You look inhibited and unshaven. Mmm, what's the scent you're wearing? It smells like gorilla afterbirth. Oo, I bet you’re like a corpse in the sack. What say you and I head back to my parent’s place, put on a little Right Said Fred, and I show you what two inches of thin, flaccid penis can do?”


Woman: “Fine, but no lights, no noises, and I’m keeping my shirt on.”


Man: “Score.”








Man: “You ready, girl? You ready for me to put this dick on you?”


Woman: “Oooo, yeah, daddy, I want it.”


Man: “Yeah? You want me to fuck that pink little… fuck that pink little…Shit… (rolls of of the woman) I forgot my line again.”


Woman: “Oh, for fuck’s sake, the line is ‘You want me to fuck that pink little pussy, you fat slut?’. Last time, from ‘put this dick on you,’ and don’t fuck it up this time, idiot. I’m getting tired and I have to take a massive shit.”








Man: “Ooo, yeah, girl, your pussy’s so wet. Does this feel good? You like when I lick your clit? Mmm… it tastes so good. It tastes like… honey? Seriously, it tastes like honey. What th… ow. OW! What the fuck? BEES? AHHH!! FUCKING BEES!”


Woman:SWARM, MINIONS! ATTACK!”

(man runs away in a cloud of hornets)