April Fools' Day is almost upon us. Use these suggestions if you'd care to be awesome.

  • Poke holes in your roommate's condoms. Hilarity will ensue… in nine months! If you're really fortunate, your roommate will be the proud father of two adorable little mistakes — assuming God has a sense of humor and gives him twins.

  • Hack into your roommate's university account and withdraw from all of their classes. When you hear the agonizing scream of 4 months of wasted studying, go into their room and yell "APRIL FOOLS!" Make sure you don't pull this prank on some little prude or they'll never shut up about how you "wasted their semester."

  • Find a mother taking a walk with her newborn child. It's spring now so this shouldn't be too difficult to do. Kick over the stroller and when the frightened baby begins to cry, yell "APRIL FOOLS" in its face. It won't comprehend what you're saying because it's too young and stupid but in a few years it will have a good chuckle when it realizes what you meant.

  • Find out where the president will be on April 1st and give him a friendly little April Fools gift. Since he's from Texas, I recommend a handgun. If you want to make sure he is surprised, give the gun to him by running up to him, violently waving the weapon around in the air in the most threatening manner possible. You little stinker, you.

  • My last suggestion begins with you purchasing a meatball hoagie. Then find a homeless person and pretend to give said hoagie to the starving hobo. Right when the starving man reaches out for the donation, snatch it back from him and yell "PSYCH!" Now, quickly devour the sandwich in front of him. If you finish your delicious hoagie without getting stabbed, yell "April Fools."
    Before you walk away smiling, toss him some loose change if you happen to have any in your pocket — otherwise don't even worry about it.